Meant for

What have I done?

I've lost myself...

Was I really meant for so much more?

Loca

What have I done?

The worst sound in the world is the sound of someone you love crying. Crying over something you said or did. It slices my soul.

Is there a difference between love and in love?

Is it too late? I loved deeply, wholly, for all these years and now...now you want to love me like that?

Tempted to say fuck it and walk away from it all. But that is me...avoiding the conflict. Here and now, I have decided. I've planted my feet and will face what I have started head on without backing down.

Maybe you are right. Maybe I can leave all that pain in the past...but tell me, will these scars fade?

I hate this, all of this.

Nothing at all

Warm weather! Finally.

Now I just hope it sticks around.

They're coming to take me away, ha ha

I swear I'm not insane...maybe a little psychotic though.

Shh...the monkeys will hear you laughing

Just when I was sure things couldn't get any crazier, someone goes and throws in a monkey. Hmph...

Writing has again taken the backseat as music and art battle it out for my attention. Damn monkeys.

Oh! Oh, oh! Anyone out there that reads this and has celiac disease like me: Stay away from LifeWater. Bad, bad, bad for your already tortured stomach. Actually, I'm not sure if its the celiac that LifeWater doesn't agree with or another possible allergy of mine but either way...I will never drink it again. Lesson learned. Hmph...gimpy stomach and them damn monkeys.

I've been searching for a video camera that is compatible with my lovely iMac. I don't want anything outrageously expensive really, just something that I can use to catch the monkey's that surround me at highly comedic, less than flattering moments. Oh, and to record videos to put with the music I am making. Okay, so the second reason is the real reason, but don't think I'm not watching. Damn monkeys....

Don't let them damn monkeys steal your banana's...or your pillow, or you cereal, or your damn socks for that matter.

Damn monkey's.

Decisions

Decisions.

I know what I want.

I know what I need.

I know what I have to do.

And I know its going to hurt like hell either way I choose.

Whispers.

When its much too late.

When the words have lost their feel.

When they mean nothing.

Nothing at all to these numb, deaf ears.

Both is not an option. They want it all to themselves.

Decisions...its gonna hurt you.

Creating

So cabin fever is killing me but it has also been productive. I'm learning my new iMac and loving it. Garage Band rocks. And iMovie...nice. And in learning to use the two...I came up with this video.

Yes, that is me on vocals and guitar. Now remember, I said I was learning. Next time, voice goes on separate track. Anyway...me singing The Runaways - Wait For Me.

Broken

She says her love is overwhelming.

She says it will scare me.

She says so much.

I am overwhelmed.

And scared.

But I feel so much.

Between us, the space has grown cold.

A mutual existence has taken over what once was.

I don't want to lose, but I want to grow.

The question of both hasn't escaped me.

Wrong or right, I have to know.

Good or bad, I have to learn.

Either way, I think I'm broken.

But I hear new life coming my way.

I'm so sorry.