Song Change

Edwin McCain. Solitude.

We have a small town just west of here that we go to from time to time. Its a long stretch of road that sometimes gives you the sense of being lonely. There a re a few houses here and there but they all seem so lifeless. Especially in the winter time.

Along this road, there is this chimney. Yes, just a chimney. It stands proud in the middle of nothing but weeds and grass. It always catches my eye. Somehow, it gives off that "solitude" vibe to me and it made me think of this song.

Enjoy...

Creating

So cabin fever is killing me but it has also been productive. I'm learning my new iMac and loving it. Garage Band rocks. And iMovie...nice. And in learning to use the two...I came up with this video.

Yes, that is me on vocals and guitar. Now remember, I said I was learning. Next time, voice goes on separate track. Anyway...me singing The Runaways - Wait For Me.

Friends

Neon Angels on the road to ruin...The Runaways movie!

It is no secret that I am a huge Joan Jett fan. And I'm sure anyone that is a Joan Jett fan knows that a movie is being made about The Runaways. I personally cannot wait to see this movie.

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Read the story here.
And if you are a fan of The Runaways, check out Cherie Curries book Neon Angels.

Stoners and Muses

J and I have some of the most interesting stoner conversations at night before we go to sleep. Neither of us are stoners, but I was at one time and I can tell you that J would have been a really cool stoner.
Last nights conversation had us on a trip through space and time with photons and atoms and molecules, dissolving and reforming in a place of our choice. I had to laugh when she said that she would go to Tibet and hang with the monks because whether or not the untrained human eye could see us was so unknown, but she was sure the monks would be able to see her.

See, stoner conversations.

For the past few mornings I have been waking up singing one of the newest songs I wrote. Its a good thing and a bad thing. The good is that it has real catchy lyrics, obviously. If its getting stuck in my head and all. The bad part is that I haven't finished the music yet and J hasn't been much help. She gets my concept but, like me, her creative muse comes and goes like a flash fire. I'd do the music myself except I blindly reached into a box on Halloween and sliced the tip end of my finger pretty damn good. It is pretty deep and right on the pad where I hold the strings. Too painful to play, so it will be a few more days before I try again.

But the song...I love it. It is one of two that I wrote that day. I have the music partially written but it needs...more. I can feel it. I can almost hear it, but I just can't write it yet. No worries, though. When I do get to play, it will come to me. Too easy...

Tension is still tight around here but I knew it would be as soon as the roomies moved back in. Such is life and I'm more than positive that I will be out of here soon enough. No, I don't have a plan. I'm just going to think it and let the Universe figure it all out. Its part of the Secret and it works...trust me. Try it.

Off to entertain my muse...

becomes us

We met in a chat room. We were both looking for musicians for projects we were working on. We clicked and decided that we needed to jam.

I was very unhappily married at the time. We were separated but still living in the same house. It was a big house. He had his half and I had mine. We still worked together since the business was OUR business and we were both damn good at it. But things between us sucked.

I bought her a plane ticket, told her just to bring herself because I had all the music gear she could possibly need and we'd audition each other. Me to join her band (SP) and her to be a writing partner. I remember she was nervous about the flight...she had never been in a plane before.

At the airport, I waited at the gate excited to be meeting my possible future band mate. As the time got closer, I got more nervous. Why? I kept asking myself. Its just music. But then she came down the hall. She had a Mohawk and was wearing an army jacket. My first thought was that she was fucking hot. She didn't see me and just as she was about to walk past, I reached out and grabbed her, giving her a huge hug. I knew in that embrace that we would be so much more.

We spent the entire night in the music room trying to impress each other or something with our knowledge and talent. She said that I stole her heart when I sang and played "Crimson and Clover" Joan style. And she knew her heart was mine to keep when I played "Colorful Sweet," one of my originals. As confused as I was at the time, I know that I fell in love with her when she played "Mayonaise" and she sealed it for me when we jammed to "When I Come Around." It was the look in her eyes, the quick of her lips, the way she watched me as I watched her, and that slight sway to a rhythm only we could hear.

But like I said, I was confused. And that night, I gave her a choice. She could crash out in the music room or crash out in my room with me. She chose my room but...BUT...we kept our hands to ourselves. Honestly.

In the music

Last night, J and I worked on two new songs. Very sweet! We also worked on two others that are pretty much done. J added a very cool lead to one of our older songs (a song I just learned to play last night...I'm the singer dammit!) and we practiced some of the songs we hadn't played in a while. My fingertips are numb as I type but my fingers feel loose (which is good).

I'm not so good at writing leads. J and Freak...an entirely different story. I can come up with a melody, anything just out of my head and those two will come in and blow me away. One of the first songs we ever wrote together as a band, "Carvin'", started with five chords. An idea I had from something Freak had shown us after practice one day. The name...I got it from one of her amps. The lyrics...I wrote them about one of my...I'd rather not say (I plead the fifth and once you hear the song, you will know why). But once I had it all down, they came in and made it...epic really.

After all the practicing and writing we could endure, we broke out into the "fucking around" stuff. (Not like that you perv.) We played a few things we had each been thinking about and then started playing some stuff just for fun. One of my favorites..."Anna is a Speed Freak" by a band called Pure. It is a blast to play and sing. Give it a listen.

I couldn't let the night of music end without having J play "Mayonaise." The intro to the song is beautiful and I love the way she plays the part in the audio below between 1:00 and 1:20. It turns me into a love sick kid. (I will explain this soon.) Enjoy...

Sister

A quick message for my sister...the only family member I trust to read this. (Please pause the player and listen. Thanks.)

Because the words just aren't enough:




I love you...please go to the doctor...two months is too long.

Loose pants and good tunes

I can't decide if I'm cold or hot today. Maybe a little of both. And tomorrow the high will be 48. I am so not ready for winter.

The good side of this...I got my jeans down from the closet that barely fit me last winter. I slid them on with ease today and grinned because they are actually a little big. Fucking sweet. All this damn exercise is paying off big time.

Last night was stressful and then it was amazing. The stressful part...the dogs got in a fight. The amazing part...well, I will just say that J is real good with her hands. Inspirational to say to the least and I wrote it out:

We were there
In the Altered State
She was in me
I was in her head
Sensitive fingertips
Over soft lips
Give and take
Take and give
Sweat on skin
With whispered I love you's
On that plain
Where only we exist
In the Altered State

Of course there is more, so much more but...

I'm in the process of going through all of the songs I've written (I have about twenty full notebooks) and figuring out which ones I want to write music to. Our creative process works like this: I search my lyrics for the ones I feel the most. I come up with a melody and write some music to go along with it. I bring it to J and she takes it all and elevates its intensity by a million or more by writing the music that I never could.

I'm great at rhythm, the basic backbone for a song. But when it comes to writing the music that will blow you away, J has it covered ten-fold.

Or, J will come to me with something she has written. I listen to her play it as I scan the lyric pages to find what we feel the song should be about. Or sometimes I just write the lyrics as she plays. It works all ways. Its funny, after an intense creative session, how we will stand back and say, "Whoa, we wrote that."

I still have no idea why I ever stopped music. I guess shit happened and things were all crazy. But still, music was always what kept me grounded or helped me escape. The more we play and create, the more I realize how much I really missed it. I won't let it happen again.

Numbers and figures

Time for a real post. Kind of. Maybe not...hmph.

If I could keep from having such freaky dreams -I'm talkin' Joan Jett, my artwork, and babies...in that order- maybe I could get some good sleep. And then maybe I wouldn't forget how fucking cold the wood floors are in the morning. Shocking myself into being wide awake isn't fun.

J and I were up until 6 this morning putting the finishing touches on the song we wrote the other night. Then we wrote another one. It is so amazing creating with her. The whole process is just so much fun really. And it is so damn cute when she hands me the headphones to listen to what she wrote and then she gets all nervous and can't play it right.

me: I'm just making you nervous.
J: That's not good. Especially when we are up on stage.
me: You'll be fine on stage (she always is), its just right now, I'm just a little too close to being between your legs.

We were sprawled out on the bed while we were writing and the headphones only reached so far. From where she was sitting to where I was sitting (its a very big bed) I had to duck down with my head near her knee. Never mind...its just too hard to explain.

J: (laughing) That could be it.
me: I know it is. (I slid my fingers up her leg from her ankle to, well...)

The most awful sound came through the headphones and I was immediately sorry I touched her. I took off the headphones, blinking my eyes and shaking my head to make sure my ears weren't bleeding.

J: See what you do to me. Make sure you don't do that on stage.
me: Fuck. There goes my whole idea for a hot, sexy show. I hope we get a hot bassist.

Needless to say, I kept my hands to myself for the most part. Until she started playing "Mayonnaise" by Smashing Pumpkins. Then I turn to mush and have to wrap around her and tell her I love her. I think she did it on purpose.

Ahh...the story behind that? I'm not telling right now. Maybe I'll share it in a post at the end of this month since it will be our anniversary and all. Maybe. (For all I know, I've already mentioned it in this thing somewhere.)

Becoming

I just finished the book I was writing. It is such a great story and I really didn't want it to end but that is the beauty of being the author...I can make it live on for as long as I like, as long as I want. I think this one has a lot more to share. These characters just aren't finished yet.

Band talks have led to the conclusion that the search for a bassist isn't as important as the search for a drummer. I do play bass, its just not my instrument of choice. But, if necessary, I will play it until we can find someone to replace me. I'm fine with that.

Sometimes I wish I would have learned to play the drums. I still can I guess. But it is so hard to find a female drummer.

I went to middle school with this girl that was a drummer. She was madly into Def Leppard and I played guitar but was into Maiden, Metallica, Slayer, and such. We tried to jam a few times but it just didn't work out. I didn't know enough about my instrument to keep up with her. It would be nice if I could find her. She would be perfect for this band.

Other news...it is fucking FREEZING up here. And raining. I've been feeling a lot better since Starr was here but this shitty weather is threatening to make me postal.
There are haunted houses this weekend along with haunted corn mazes. And next weekend, more of the same. I love this shit. Then, Halloween, there are several parties we've been invited to. If it were up to me, we'd show up at them all. But the houses around here are so far apart that the drive wouldn't be worth it.

Next month, my cousin Mel will be in town, thawing out from living in Alaska. I'm really looking forward to seeing her.

You'd think, with all the excitement, it would be hard for me to sit still. Fucking weather.
So be it.

Yellow brick what?

I guess I do always sing. Hey, it keeps me sane. And FYI...me and J put some finishing touches on one of our new songs last night.

**APB**
Please be on the lookout for a female drummer and a female bassist that are somewhere close to Northeast Georgia. Tennessee, South Carolina, and North Carolina are all pretty close. We play rock, punk, metal type stuff with a little bit of folk thrown in to confuse you. Must get along well with us dykes and know their instrument. Rookies are welcome but if you can't keep up we will have to boot you. **APB**

We need to get something together quick if we are going to make the deadline. (Sorry, that part is secret.) We had a really good discussion about it last night and plans are being set in stone. (I know we've heard that before, but this time, it has to work out.)

We decided that since I'm taking over vocals and we already have two guitarists, that singing is all I will do. For now at least. Freak is still an unknown since we can't find her AGAIN. God, I love that kid but she needs to keep a damn phone!

Sometimes...I can't believe I'm doing this again. But...the world, especially mine, would stop without music.
So be it!

On to other stuff...
I would like to declare war on who ever is responsible for bringing this damn OXY drug to pharmacies across America. I would like to tell them that their drug is killing my brother. He is beyond making choices now, he is just plain addicted. And its killing me. So, yeah...a big FUCK YOU to all that are responsible. And another FUCK YOU to the idiot doctors that keep prescribing the shit to him. How do you people live with yourselves? God this sucks!

Stories

Since I set the playlist on random, I figured I better go ahead and explain the songs. One at a time.

One night in October, about five years ago, J, cousin Jane, and I were roaming through Walmart. We were just stirring up trouble (playing football in the isles and hide and seek - I'm a kid at heart) and Jane runs into this girl. Leave it to Jane to find the only other lesbian in the entire store.

But this one was young. Only 16 but she was adorable. Short blond hair, tank top, cargo shorts, and she had a hammer in her eyebrow. Yeah, a small little hammer that graced the piercing of her eyebrow. Cute. We were introduced and found out her name was Gab.

Long story short - Gab and Jane hooked up but it was short lived. Gab was a follower and Jane had no room in her life for people that didn't think for them selves. Jane left to go back to her home and Gab, well, we stayed friends.

She enjoyed playing guitar and on a few occasions, called me up to see if I would jam with her. The very first song we learned together was "Stories" by Trapt. I had never heard the song before and after hearing it once, I was addicted. Just a song about a story of the past that he's trying to break away from...but yet, still wants.

If you think about it, all of our lives are stories. Each memory, each day...all stories. And its up to us to make our story different than the rest. I've been striving to make my story unique from the day I was born. Its not the same story as yours, but its my story.

I still talk to Gab every now and then. Funny, she moved from Florida and now lives in Georgia too. We haven't seen each other in a while, but we still tell each other our stories from time to time. We even talk about "Stories" and I thank her for introducing me to a great song. Lyrics:

I found a line and then it grew, I found myself still thinking of you
I felt so empty and now I'm fine But still it's burning, when will you be mine?

Too much of the same stories in our lives
I think it's time for change, don't you?
Too much of the same stories in our lives
(I think it's time for us to walk away from here)
Stories in our lives, we keep them all inside

Look at me still in your mind, Our memories so intertwined
Well you broke through and found your way
And so did I no need to stay
The same old picture, tried and true
Been through there, let's look for something new

Too much of the same stories in our lives
I think it's time for change, don't you?
Too much of the same stories in our lives
(I think it's time for us to walk away from here)

Do you remember lying on the beach so late at night
Do you remember running through the sprinklers that night
Do you remember all the songs that I have wrote for you,
All the songs that I have wrote for you (For you)
I remember,the way you made me feel when I was with you
I remember,the smile that always brought me back to you
That look in your eyes, I never thought that this could be untrue
(Untrue Do do da dado do da dado do da dado do da dado yeah yeah yeah)

Too much of the same stories in our lives
I think it's time for change, don't you?
Too much of the same stories in our lives (I think it's time for us to walk away from here)
AS RECORDED BY TRAPT

Change your story...

Wasted

I almost forgot...

I changed the song order on the play list over there <----.

The song that should be playing is "Wasted" by L.P. Some people might recognize the song from The-N TV show, South of Nowhere. It was a pretty cool show but, unfortunately its no longer on. (How hot was Ashley!)

I actually stumbled across this song while I was doing research for a book I was writing. I instantly fell in love with it and its one of the many songs I play live. Its fun to play, great to sing, and the lyrics...just listen.

L.P. (not Linkin Park thank God), she is a very talented musician with some crazy ass hair. And here is the video for the song:
L.P. on Myspace

Thoughts creeping

I think last night is the first night in a very long time that I actually slept through it without waking up a million times and checking the clock to see if it was a good time to wake up.

Dreamers never sleep.

And when I woke up this morning, I felt like I had been in a coma or something. It was very strange. I didn't even have any dreams to tell J about over our normal morning talks. (Truth...it wasn't really morning anymore.) But J had a dream that was odd enough for both of us to ponder.

But I did remember some of my thoughts before I fell asleep. Sorry if they are a little cryptic but I know who and what they are about.

I told you once that I loved you. I meant it but I no longer feel it. So don't find me and then hide from me. I won't chase you. Because, really, I. Don't .Care.

Maybe there are alternate universes. I find it very hard to believe that in the infinite space, Earth is the only planet that could support life. But...I don't really want to think about it anymore.

The character has to fall in love with her because...I said so. Its my imagination anyway.

It was cool that he found me but did he have to show me the picture of her. I hadn't thought about her in a long time so I thought her ghost had finally set me free. Man, was I wrong.

I wonder if I can will J to turn down the music. Oh, wait! That's The Runaways. "Babe, turn that up, please."

Singing Queens of Noise. "Stop, look, listen to my heartbeat." Man, I haven't heard this song in years.

Cool. Songs over. Maybe she will turn it down....wait. That's Tool. "Why can't we not be sober..."

God, I think I might have asked that same question a million times back then.

It's too light in here to sleep.

[I was wrong. That was my last thought.]

In the works and such

My mind has been busy and my imagination has created a brand new world to run around in. If it would slow down just a little, I might be able to keep up.

In the works:
A new art project. Lots of wood and power tools...oh yeah.
Also coming soon...drawings. G-ma wants me to do a M. Jackson portrait. Sadly, I'm not feelin' it at all. But I do know the next thing I am drawing...a different view. I dreamt it last night.
And...drum roll please...I have a new book in the works. Its hot! Very HOTTTTTTTT! Sex has never been written so good.
My life would not be complete if there wasn't some music in it so...after going all punk rock on my acoustic, I broke a few strings. I went to the local music store (there's two if you believe that) and replaced them. Got them extra light so I could bend the hell out of them and my fingers wouldn't bleed. Well, my fingers are still bleeding but I'm coming up with a ton of new material. Now if I could just get Freak and J in the same state, maybe we could do some recording.

Back to my mind. I'm a purely positive thinker. I kid you not. If I'm watching TV, I even mute the fucking commercials. I can't stand the way they try to make people think they have all these fucking problems. I swear there are pills for everything. The day they come out with a pill for people who don't blink enough will be a funny one but still, enough with the negative thought injections. Wake up people. There is nothing wrong with you that you can't cure yourself. Hmph. Thoughts are things. You think it, so be it. Get it? Got it? Good.

I think everyone should mute commercials. I believe the world would be a much healthier place.

Anyway, I pride myself on knowing the secret. And the other day, I had this like, mental breakdown of sorts. It was weird especially since it was me. I'd expect it from J but that's another story for another day. So in this breakdown (which seemed to be brought on by the past and the biz and all. The entire reason I had to walk away) my mind kept screaming "why!" and "what if" and it is so unlike me to do that. But, since I believe that everything happens for I reason, I let it flow.

Good thing too, because if I wouldn't have broke down I wouldn't have came back up with such a new outlook on it all. There is nothing that happens in my life that I don't attract. You always get what you feel the most and (the downside) what you fear the most. So when I say I have no fears...I am being completely honest. I fear nothing because I don't want fear to manifest. Okay, so I know why all the things that happened in the past came to be. I know why I had to drop off the face of the Earth and restart my life again. Best of all, I understand. And that new understanding is what will keep it from happening again.

The best thing that came out of the breakdown: There is no WRONG way. If you believe the way you are doing things is the right way , then it IS the right way. And as long as you never doubt that it is the right way, it will always be the right way. Think about it...you'll get it.

The universe is unlimited.
LIVE IT, DREAM IT, BE IT!

Now will someone please tell J I'm not leaving her. That look in her eyes when she says, "Please don't leave me," kills me inside.

Crucify then learn....

I love these girls!

Dimes, Lani....its "Cut Throat"

New album is out September 15th!



Oh Yeah!

I shall live by passion and not by law...

I know, I know. Two posts, one day. Watch out world.
But because I love Otep and I think she is gorgeous...got to AfterEllen and read people!

If you are interested, you can buy their new CD here.

Hmmm...

Otep...what more can I say?

Beach Party

It wouldn't be a great trip to Florida without hanging out with my Circus Gals.

Okay...there were several reasons and many people that made it a good trip but, according to the CLC, they are the only ones that count.


First, I must set the scene. Without revealing Starr's identity and address I can only tell you that she has an amazing house right on the ocean, north of the lighthouse. Private beach, lots of alcoholic beverages, crazy surfing on ripples, and a live band that happened to be the band Lani (Dimes' girl) drums for.

Starr kidnapped me. Picture a mob kidnapping with a blindfold and all. She must have rode around in circles to try to throw me off but I knew we'd be going to her place. Its true, she can't hide anything from me. Besides, its not a party if it isn't at her place.

I'd be lying if I said that I lingered in the house to say hello to all the faces that I haven't seen in a few months. Hell no. I went straight out the back door to the ocean. Starr definitely has one of the best slices of the beach anyone could ever hope to own. At least on the East side. I was tempted again to dive right in but I had forgotten my cast protector thing and, well, Walker was half dragging me back inside.

After about three dozen hugs and hello's, the band started in. Fucking amazing! And Lani is totally Animal on that set. I completely understand how she landed the unlandable Dimes. Anyway...I figured out that dancing on crutches kills your shoulders and that I suck at it. But it was still mad fun and I think I danced with everyone. I think.

I stayed away from the alcohol. Starr, being the coolest friend anyone could buy (inside joke), stayed sober with me (Candy and Ash were sober too). It wasn't long before the party moved to the beach. The boards came out and the half-assed surfing started. It was like a comedy fest. I don't think a single person stood for a wave (ripple) but it was hilarious watching them try.

Okay...it was about that time that I started really missing J. Thank the Goddess I wasn't drinking because I might have been a mess. And like she knew I was missing her pretty bad, J called. We got that connection. After my not-so-short but very sweet phone call, the sun had gone down and we moved to the fire pit. That quickly turned into a marshmallow fight that I completely lost since everyone was aiming for me, except me. Oh, and they weren't throwing the big marshmallows since those were for charring. Nope, they were throwing mini's. Mini's that, when I got home, I found in my hair, down my shirt, in my pockets, and one was in my shoe. (Thanks ladies.) It came close to turning into a fire breathing contest when someone found a bottle of 151.

It was a great time as usual. And it ended with a speed filled spin on the back of Candy's bike.
Thanks again, Starr and my fellow clowns from the Crazy Lesbian Circus. And don't worry, I'll write about our night at five points later...lol.