Party from Hell (pt. 2)

As promised...Back Then...

When I look back, most people would have thought that it was cool - having so many friends and how they always wanted to be around me - but I thought it was, well, annoying and a bit tiring. And honestly, most of them weren't really worthy of being called friends.

LG chased after me as I stalked off to my house. I was going inside for three reasons. One...I wanted to make sure no one was inside. Two...I was thirsty and didn't want to drink the concoction that was being passed around outside. And three...to lock the damn door so no one would go inside. The last thing I wanted was some kind of a bust that could possibly result in my mom being arrested or some shit.

I slammed the door in her face. She was really getting on my nerves. Little by little, I was beginning to realize her game. She hung around people that would make her "cool" and clung to you if you had drugs. That was the only two things she cared about. I checked all the rooms and grabbed my house key. She caught up to me when I went into the kitchen to grab my Gatorade (grape) out of the freezer (it makes a cool slushy).

"What is the deal with you lately?" she asked. She stood with her hands on her hips and tapped her foot impatiently.

I glared at her. I told her several times already that I was trying to stay clean and wasn't liking the people that I had somehow attracted to me. She didn't respect that, even though she swore she did. "I told you already,LG, I'm not into this shit anymore."

"Come on. Its just a few friends." She had this evil smirk on her face.
One thing about LG. You could always tell when she was up to something. She couldn't hide a damn thing.
I pushed open the kitchen window blinds. "A few? A few!" I let them go and stepped closer to her. "LG! There is like fifty people out there. Probably more!"

She shrugged. "What can I say? Everyone loves you."
"Fuck you!" I bumped her shoulder as I passed heading for the front door.
She stood there, looking rather blank, silent.

I figured there was no use fighting it now. Besides, I heard more cars pull up and I was sure things were going to get out of hand if I stayed inside any longer. "Lets go, LG. Before one of those drunk rednecks decides to start a fire in my front yard."

She followed me out and went straight for KK. That pissed me off too. KK knew exactly what I was going through and I thought that he, of all people, should have talked LG out of this plan. I sat on the planter and lit up a smoke. Even if the party was at my house, it didn't mean I had to participate, right? I mean, temptation was everywhere. I could smell the weed, I could see what they were passing. It was absolutely everywhere and I had to prove to myself that I was above it. That I didn't need it. It had to be some kind of a test.

Sam spotted me sitting alone and slowly walked my way. I smiled as I shook my head. She was there with the same piece of shit that treated her so bad.
"Hey," she grinned. "Mind if I sit?"
"Go for it," I told her, indicating the empty space next to me. "I hope one of these days you come to your senses and leave that asshole."
She hung her head and nodded. "He's really not so bad, most of the time."
I reached out and turned her head towards me. "In between punches? Is that when he's not so bad? I bet as soon as he's done beating his love into your beautiful face, he tells you how much he loves you."
Her eyes were wide and she rubbed her hand over the bruise I was talking about. "You don't understand."
"I do understand. I watched my aunt deal with this for years. And she didn't leave until he almost killed her and her son." I smiled at her. "You don't understand that you deserve so much better than that."

After a long silence she finally agreed that she did deserve better but I knew she wouldn't leave that jerk. I knew he had her believing that no one would ever love her. He had her self esteem as low as it would go.

"So where have you been? I looked for you at Mike's last weekend and then at Joe's the next night."
I took the hint that she really didn't want to talk about him anymore, so I went with the change of subject. "Pretty much, I've been here." I looked around the yard, "Trying to stay away from all of this."
"Really?" She sounded surprised. "Why?"
I told her all about how I wanted to change my life and quit the drugs and the people that did them. I explained how I really wanted a new start.
She put her hand over mine. "That is really cool." She started to trace my fingers with one of hers. "Maybe I should think about that too. A new beginning seems like a good idea."

It didn't take long for a fight to break out. Some kid I didn't know had picked a fight with a kid everybody knew. Big mistake. Everyone ended up ganging up on the guy and luckily I was able to get that guy to leave. (Of course I made sure that he wasn't too intoxicated to drive.) When I went back to my seat, LG was there waiting for me. The look on her face should have told me something but my adrenaline was pushing too hard to think clearly. I picked up my Gatorade and downed half the bottle, managing to give myself one of the worst cases of brain freeze I had ever encountered. It left a bitter taste in my mouth but I really didn't think anything of it.

KK walked over and kissed LG. "Hey B," he smiled. "Everything okay?"
I nodded. "As okay as its going to get."
"Well, I gotta go and pick up some stuff." He winked at me and I knew exactly what he was talking about.
"Don't bring it back here, please." I was still pissed at him.
"I won't." He kissed LG again. "I'll be back in a few hours."
"Okay, baby," LG said with a huge smile. She knew that it meant she could hang all over RM.

I watched him get in the car and take off while I finished my Gatorade. As soon as he was out of sight, LG went straight over to RM, just like I thought. I closed my eyes for just a moment, rubbing my hands across my face. I was feeling weird. Feeling dizzy. Feeling like the world was slowing to a crawl. I knew what it was...FUCK! LG slipped something into my drink and I was pretty sure in a few short minutes I was going to be flying high as a kite.

I stood to go over and beat the shit out of her but I never made it.

Revenge and music

I find it strange, how my brain works. It chooses what it wants to remember. Sometimes, my memories scare the shit out of me. And then I wish that I could remember the entire moment so I can understand what it was that really happened. But I think my brain is just trying to protect me or something. I guess it could be a good thing.

Anyhow...Back Then...

I made it through somehow. Withdrawal beat the shit out of me but, dammit, I was still standing.

I replaced the deadly addiction with a new one...guitar. And when that wasn't enough, I'd draw. I actually drew up a comic book that somehow duplicated and circulated for a few years...around to all my friends. I was doing great and had never felt better.

KK came back into town. He was older than me, like most of my friends, but I had known him the longest. He had been my grandmother's neighbor forever. He was fresh back from California. And he was the neighborhood "dealer" if you know what I mean.

He was the only one I told about what DK had done to me. And he stood behind me as I beat the living daylights out of that fucker. I told you I would get revenge and I never said I wasn't violent (well, I'm not now but I was back then). I never saw DK again after that day. He either moved away or KK did something that he didn't tell me.

So, KK had known that I played the guitar and he told me that when he got back from his trip, we were going to start a band. But...I wasn't so sure it was a good idea.

"Why not?" he asked. We were sitting on the planter in front of my house smoking cigarettes.
I studied my cigarette like it would help me explain. "I'm just...look, I've known you forever. But, I need to stay away from the stuff you, umm, do and sell."

The quiet was deafening as he considered my words.

He patted my shoulder. "I respect the fact that you wanna be clean. I'm cool with that." He raked his hand through his hair. "I would never try to push any of this shit on you. I've known you pretty much since you were born. I'll watch your back. But, please, please be in this band with me."

I believed him. He was like a big brother to me. But I was still weary about it and I know he read it all over my face.

He took a deep breath as he searched for his convincing words. "I promise you, when we practice, everyone will be straight. We will put the music before the high. And if the rest of the guys don't like it, then they're out."

To be in a band with KK was something I had wanted for a long time. I wasn't the greatest guitar player at the time, but he was. And his knowledge of music was something I knew he wanted to pass on to me. I felt like I trusted his words enough to agree.

"Alright. I'll do it. But I mean it, KK, no drugs." I held his eyes as he stood.
"Fuckin' wicked!" He pulled me up and gave me a hug. "We won't even have to be good. You're so hot, guys will show up just to see you."
"Fuck you," I laughed and pushed him away.

And so Iron Cross was formed. KK kept his promise. Everyone, including KK, was completely sober at our practices. We practiced everyday for about two weeks. As good as it was going, I had a feeling it wouldn't last. But KK did get to teach me a hell of a lot. And after the bassist and drummer had had enough of playing sober, they quit.

"It's supposed to be sex, DRUGS, and rockn' roll, man," one of the guys complained.
KK, being the bad ass that he was, helped them both out the door with his fists. It wasn't just the drug thing they were fighting about, but I think that statement is what pushed him over the edge.

KK and I continued playing and we actually wrote a few decent songs together. (I think I still have the lyrics somewhere.) And LG...she really wasn't liking all the time we were spending together. No matter how many times I explained that he was like a brother to me, she was still jealous.

Honestly, I didn't think she had the right to be jealous. She was cheating on him constantly. He cheated on her too, but not with me. And I was kind of stuck in the middle but I kept my mouth shut. Their relationship was really none of my business. As much as they liked to pretend, I could tell they didn't love each other. Not in the least bit. It would self destruct on its own...without my help.

I had enough to deal with anyway. I told LG to fuck off. If she couldn't trust me around KK then she didn't need to be my friend. Of course she quickly apologized and tried to pawn off her anger on not having any coke or something. I shrugged it off. Whatever.

I was proud of myself. I had managed to stay away from EVERYTHING for an entire month. I still had weird withdrawal symptoms, but I was doing it. Even with the crowd of users that seemed to cling to me.

Yeah, I thought I had it made, getting past the hardest stuff, but...
TO BE CONTINUED of course!