Done with home

I think I'll sum up the rest of my Florida trip tonight.

Mom was looking much better than the last time I saw her. She looked a little thinner but not unhealthy. It pained me to find out she was taking medications for her nerves and to sleep. But, staying at her house with her husband and my brother, I understand why she has to take them.

When my brother got out of jail and came back to her house, the entire vibe of the house changed. For some reason, it seems our step father has some kind of deep hate for my brother. I don't really get it but I never realized how bad it was until I was living with it. Honestly, I'm surprised my mom's not an alcoholic.

Anyhow, I was glad to be there. I now know what my brother has been trying to tell me for the last year. Step dad isn't the "great guy" he tried to trick us all into believing he was.

So me and my brother tried to keep Mom out of the house and away from his negative rampages. We took her to Border's and relaxed. We went shopping with her at the mall. We spent time with just her and it seemed to make her more at ease.

Sadly, I fear for my Mom's life. It feels kind of silly typing that out but I have to say it somewhere. The scary part is that my brother feels the same way. When I found that out, I had to say something to Mom. I think it upset her that we felt that way. She explained that she wasn't upset with me and Bud, but that she was upset that her husband made us feel that way. But then she said that she is in no way afraid of her husband. I have to just trust that for now. But I made my brother promise that if he ever saw step dad get crazy that he would make Mom leave. Fuck the house and the cars, her life is much more important.

Dad has proved that...well, he really isn't much of a dad. I was finally able to get him to hang out with us one night. We (me, Bud, KC and her husband) met up with him at a bar that he usually plays darts at. He was cool, bought us all drinks, and then kicked in with telling us all about the things that he's been doing with his new family. Usually, I don't mind listening, but watching my brothers face fill with pain sucked. It felt like Dad was rubbing it all in my bro's face. All the things that my brother wanted to do with Dad and Dad never showed up for, Dad is now doing with his youngest two kids. Simple things like fishing, camping, sports and such. I was waiting for my brother to explode on our dad. It must have taken Bud a lot of will power to keep from shoving Dad's cell phone down his throat.

Anyway, I wanted to see my step mom and two younger siblings before I left Florida. Since I was unable to drive (surgery) I told Dad to just come and pick me up one weekend or something. Well, it came down to the last night I was in town and I called. He said he'd pick me up. I waited, and waited, and waited...like usual. I was shocked when he finally did call (he usually just doesn't show and calls a few weeks later). Same old excuses and I pretty much said whatever. Typical Dad.

So I didn't get to see my youngest brother and sister. I didn't get to see my other sister either but that was because she lived three hours north of where I was and wasn't able to take a day off of work. I didn't bother trying to see my aunt and uncle (for reasons I won't bother to explain.)

But like I said before...I got to see and hang out with the people that count.
Mom
Bro
My nieces
KC
BM
My God-daughter and her brother
And the girls from the CLC!
I love all of you and miss you like mad.

For starters

2008, what I’ve learned
Where do I start? This has been a roller coaster of a year. And not with just me, but the world too. So lets see if I can sum up what I learned.
Hmm...I learned to trust my gut feeling. Your the only one who knows.
I've learned to get out when it doesn't look like a good ending is heading my way. If it looks like the apple is rotting...it is. Duh.
I've learned that no matter how far down you've gone, there is someone waiting on their turn to call you and step on your head. Even when they know about your situation.
I've learned to put myself first because I'm the only one who will.
I've learned the difference between being positive and being negatively positive. Yeah, there is a big difference.
I've learned to do what you love. Everything else will fall into place.
I've learned that I AM UNLIMITED. The universe is unlimited. Whatever you want you will get it. Whatever you think about, you bring about. Read it again. And again. And again. One more time. Whatever you think about, you bring about. It works both ways.
I've learned that I choose the path my life takes. Not the economy. Not you. But me.
I've learned that I am valued. Some people do care and their the one's who count.
I've learned that the media sucks. (I already knew this but it didn't really hit me until all of the election shit.) I will never trust another news cast as long as I live. They only tell you what they want you to know. Never the truth.
I've learned that friends may come and go but family you can't replace. But I've learned that the friends who have stuck around are as close as family to me.
I've learned that there is a story every where you look. And that story is different for everyone that has seen it. But its up to you to believe it.
I've learned that the only bad days are the one's you think will be bad. Thoughts are things.
I've learned that there is no rewind button on life. Don't look back. Live for the now because tomorrow is a brand new day. You can't change what has already been done.
I've learned to block out the negative. It has no place in my life.
Never say never.
Fiction or fact...it is what you believe it is. But either way, I don't care.
I am me. Not who you see. Not what you think. I am...simply me.
And that's what I believe.
Happy New Year everyone! Lets make this one better than the last. It can be done.