A change...

I think I found something I dislike more than summer weather in South Florida...yep, winter weather in Northeast Georgia sucks.

I've really been missing home lately. And its really not the weather I miss. I think its more like the familiarity of home. I know J wants to live up here because this really is her home, but sometimes I doubt I can do it.

Mountains are beautiful and I love the creeks and rivers but they still do not compare to the ocean and the Glades. At least to me they don't. And it has been so long since I've seen the ocean that I'm beginning to feel jittery. I've realized that being land-locked isn't so much fun.

I was talking with J about this the other day. Although she won't admit it, I can tell she's feeling pretty restless herself. I guess you can't introduce a country girl to the city life and expect her to jump right back into the country life again. It got me thinking that maybe her restlessness is what is causing her to be so unstable. Maybe.

My grandmother invited us...dogs and all...to come and stay with her for a little while. To me, it sounds like a great idea but I haven't had any luck convincing J.

I'll keep trying.

Maybe a change will do us both some good.

A little truth

I think I've finally gotten rid of my hangover. Finally. Now I remember why I hate drinking.

My friends over at the CLC have been doing their best to make me feel God-awful guilty about leaving them. There is more than a few reasons I left Florida and they know this but I guess an explanation is in order so anyone else can understand.

It is true...stress can kill. And my philosophy is when things are no longer easy, its time to find something new. Running a business from a cell phone that never -NEVER - stops ringing, ridiculous time restraints, traffic jams, and chasing money got to me. Things started to crumble and inside I was a wreck.

Its funny...when I was going through all that shit, my family and friends (not the CLC girls) still called me and unloaded all their problems. And the entire time, I was on the verge of a rageful relapse into the darkness I used to call life. And when I tried to explain, "Hey, you really think you have fucking problems? I've got overhead that weighs more than the world and a partner who has given up," they didn't seem to care.

Hell, I know I could have saved it all but I couldn't breathe anymore. I felt sick all the time and so tired but I could never sleep. My head was endless chatter of what needs to be done and what I really wanted to do. And in the end, I chose to do what I wanted to do...get out.

My family was driving me nuts, unloading all kinds of responsibilities on me that were never mine. My brother's drug problem, my mom's money situation, and my dad's absence all of a sudden became, "You have to do something, B." My nieces well being all of a sudden became, "They need a better home life...do something." And certain friends became my responsibility too. Those two in the morning phone calls like I was a suicide hot line became, "B, I'm in my truck and I'm driving straight for the wall at full speed and I know you can save me. Only you know what to say, do, think...and you will save me."

But I'm nobodies savior really. I couldn't deal. And the solutions I came up with, nobody listened to anyway. "Baker Act the fuck up." Or, "Tell your husband to stop wasting the money and to get a real job since he fucking pissed away your retirement on shit that he didn't want or need." And my nieces, God bless those beautiful little girls, "Leave him. Get a job. They are your kids too. Only you can make their life any better." And, "Stop fucking around with straight chicks! Dyke up already. You know they only break your heart."

And the end results. He is still an addict and a loser. He quit his job and now sits on the computer all day, jacking off to porn. (This one has partially worked out.) She got a job and left him but moved those girls into a house full of old drunk, drugged out sorry excuses for women. And she is still dating straight chicks and getting her heart broken. Its nil.

So I left and they chased me down through my phone. I shut off the phone and they chased me down on the computer. So I stopped checking my email. It is about time they all learned to live without me to step on, run to, expect a miracle from. It was all too much to ask for. I had a life, a house, a business, vehicles, a great relationship, and I let all that stress and pressure almost kill me. I walked out and away with the only thing I could salvage...my girl (and I almost lost that too.)

I'm finally back to good and there is no way in hell that I'm chancing what I have now. This is MY life now and I'm not going to show any of you how to live yours anymore. Live and learn...that's how everyone else does it. I know it all sounds selfish but dammit! I lived with all their shit all my fucking life. I know I deserve to be happy and healthy and to live without their problems.

(Dimes, baby. I love you and really this rant has nothing to do with what you said (its Starr). I love you and miss you like mad too. But really, guys...am I not better now? You really don't want me to go back to being the way I was before I left, do you? Starr...ease up on the guilt shit, please. I need to do this for me. For me and J. She is everything to me and you know that. You know where I'm at and you know that whenever you want you can jump on a plane and be here in less than three hours. You have the means to do that and I know you could bring all the girls if you wanted to. I miss you guys but I don't miss the life and I can't go back now. Ease up on the guilt and show me some understanding, please. And you are making me say it...or else.)

Four Seasons?

I can feel it. The season changing. I guess summertime is really just about gone.

Honestly, if you would have asked me while I was living in Florida which season was my favorite, I would have said the winter time. Not like we really had winter. But anything below 80 degree's was cold to us and it always felt so good to get that little relief from the super hot Florida sun.

Believe it or not, it snowed in South Florida once. I was four, I think. It might have only lasted for about five minutes and was gone as soon as it hit the ground, but it did snow. I remember my Grandma Beth woke me up and took me outside so I could see. It was funny because I asked her if the Everglades were on fire. The snow looked like the ashes that we would see floating around when there was a big blaze out there. I don't think she ever really explained what exactly the snow was so when I called my other grandma to tell her about what I saw I said, "You should have seen it, Grandma. The clouds got so cold that when the wind blew, it broke of little frozen pieces of clouds and they started falling on the cars. But they weren't heavy pieces."

I moved up here to the mountains last winter. Winter is no longer my favorite season. I don't think my bones thawed out until a few months ago and now, it is starting to get cold again. To me its cold. To J, its just real nice.

I have a cousin that lives in Alaska. Up until about ten years ago, half of my family lived in Alaska. My cousin Mel is the the only one still living up there. I don't know how she does it. One winter, my uncle called down on Christmas and told us that they had been in the house for two weeks because it was too cold to go outside. He said that if you were out there for more than five minutes, your lungs would freeze. Crazy shit. I couldn't imagine. (J and I will be in Alaska next year for Mel's wedding. Mel warned me that I will think that its so beautiful up there that I will never want to leave.)

But, it is inevitable. The weather is going to change. And before I know it, winter will be here.

Maybe...I'll take Mel up on the offer to move up there and work with her. She spends the winters in Hawaii.

Not anymore

I grew up in South Florida. I'm pretty sure I have lived in every city there is in Broward County. I went to seven different elementary schools because my father moved us around a lot. Later in life, I started two businesses in that county and they expanded to cover the tri-counties - Broward, Miami-Dade, and Palm Beach. (One of the businesses actually went state wide.) I have lived through the changes that have made the areas what they are today.

I heard a song today. Not sure who sings it or what the actual title of the song was but I'm sure its something close to "If the South Would've Won." There was a line in the song that went something like this: We'd put Florida on the right track because we'd take Miami back.

When I heard that line I had to laugh...but then it kind of made me sad.

When I was a kid, Miami wasn't no where near as bad as it is today. There were a few bad spots that the white people were warned to stay away from - Overtown and Liberty City are the ones I can remember. But over all, it wasn't such a bad place. It had beautiful beaches and Krispy Kreme doughnuts and even a White Castle somewhere. Places I remember my parents taking me from time to time. Now, my mom wouldn't go down there if you paid her and my dad only goes there if he has work that way.

It has changed. Not in a good way either. Sure...they still have South Beach, Star Island, a few other nice places (my mind is blank on the names). But the rest of it... I'm sure you've seen that TV show, The First 48.

Last night, me and J were at her grandmother's house. I was watching LA Ink (Kat Von D...need I say more) and then a show called Police Women of Broward County came on. J explained to her grandmother that all these places they were showing were where we used to do business and one of the places they showed was were we used to park all of our trucks (near Hammondville Road and Powerline Road). Then J told her that we used to live not too far from there. Her grandmother watched the show and at the end she said, "I'm glad you girls don't live down there anymore."

Sadly, I'm glad we don't live there either. My home town. The place I know by heart. I hate it.

And the show didn't really show the real bad stuff. Things like a tourist being shot to death as he tried to make a call at a phone booth in broad daylight with his wife sitting in the car in front of him. Or the drive-by shooting that happened two houses down from me in broad daylight while my little brother was playing in the front yard. Or how that same gang came back that same night and shot up the place again because they realized they got the wrong house that day. Or how some guy was stabbed in the middle of the night and he hid behind my aunt's Tahoe -bleeding to death- then staggered two houses down and died in the back yard.

All these things happened in places that, at one time, were beautiful neighborhoods where neighbors would have hurricane block parties and huge barbecue's where everyone was invited. Where we all knew each other and kids could play freely outside and you didn't have to worry about them. Where you could have nice things in your yard and no one would steal them. You could leave your bike in the carport and your cars unlocked. You could even sleep with your windows open.

Not anymore. I am a fourth generation Floridian and will most likely never live there again. Its slowly becoming a dirty dump, full of crime and disgusting people. Definitely not a place I would raise my children.

Done with home

I think I'll sum up the rest of my Florida trip tonight.

Mom was looking much better than the last time I saw her. She looked a little thinner but not unhealthy. It pained me to find out she was taking medications for her nerves and to sleep. But, staying at her house with her husband and my brother, I understand why she has to take them.

When my brother got out of jail and came back to her house, the entire vibe of the house changed. For some reason, it seems our step father has some kind of deep hate for my brother. I don't really get it but I never realized how bad it was until I was living with it. Honestly, I'm surprised my mom's not an alcoholic.

Anyhow, I was glad to be there. I now know what my brother has been trying to tell me for the last year. Step dad isn't the "great guy" he tried to trick us all into believing he was.

So me and my brother tried to keep Mom out of the house and away from his negative rampages. We took her to Border's and relaxed. We went shopping with her at the mall. We spent time with just her and it seemed to make her more at ease.

Sadly, I fear for my Mom's life. It feels kind of silly typing that out but I have to say it somewhere. The scary part is that my brother feels the same way. When I found that out, I had to say something to Mom. I think it upset her that we felt that way. She explained that she wasn't upset with me and Bud, but that she was upset that her husband made us feel that way. But then she said that she is in no way afraid of her husband. I have to just trust that for now. But I made my brother promise that if he ever saw step dad get crazy that he would make Mom leave. Fuck the house and the cars, her life is much more important.

Dad has proved that...well, he really isn't much of a dad. I was finally able to get him to hang out with us one night. We (me, Bud, KC and her husband) met up with him at a bar that he usually plays darts at. He was cool, bought us all drinks, and then kicked in with telling us all about the things that he's been doing with his new family. Usually, I don't mind listening, but watching my brothers face fill with pain sucked. It felt like Dad was rubbing it all in my bro's face. All the things that my brother wanted to do with Dad and Dad never showed up for, Dad is now doing with his youngest two kids. Simple things like fishing, camping, sports and such. I was waiting for my brother to explode on our dad. It must have taken Bud a lot of will power to keep from shoving Dad's cell phone down his throat.

Anyway, I wanted to see my step mom and two younger siblings before I left Florida. Since I was unable to drive (surgery) I told Dad to just come and pick me up one weekend or something. Well, it came down to the last night I was in town and I called. He said he'd pick me up. I waited, and waited, and waited...like usual. I was shocked when he finally did call (he usually just doesn't show and calls a few weeks later). Same old excuses and I pretty much said whatever. Typical Dad.

So I didn't get to see my youngest brother and sister. I didn't get to see my other sister either but that was because she lived three hours north of where I was and wasn't able to take a day off of work. I didn't bother trying to see my aunt and uncle (for reasons I won't bother to explain.)

But like I said before...I got to see and hang out with the people that count.
Mom
Bro
My nieces
KC
BM
My God-daughter and her brother
And the girls from the CLC!
I love all of you and miss you like mad.

6 points to A1A

I met Starr first. And then, slowly, the rest of the Crazy Lesbian Circus gals appeared. They came to be some of the best friends I've ever had. And they really know how to have fun!



The plan was to head out to five points and then maybe hit up a few places on Las Olas. But...we had to get out of Starr's house first.



A thing or two about Starr. She is drop dead gorgeous. Amazing on the inside. And filthy rich...or as she would say, "living comfortable." She is a writer. Not just books, but articles for papers and she even wrote some of that TV show stuff. She's smart, beautiful. The total package.



Starr's house is like a huge grown-ups playground. You can play any of the game systems on a screen that is like 10 feet tall and 15 feet wide. She has a room full of musical equipment that she hardly knows how to play. There are secret doors and slides and a huge room full of really big pillows. (The best pillow fighting arena in the world.) Surfing out her back door and even a quarter pipe for all your skateboarding/rollerblading/bicycling needs. Its crazy. She even has her own bar. Like a real dance club in her house. So why go anywhere else?



Eye candy. Five points is crawling with it. Its kind of in the center of Broward County's gayest city. We call it five points but the city does have a name. I'll make you look it up. There are a few lesbian bars, good eats, and, like I already said, eye candy. (I swear I didn't look at a single girl J.)

Finally convinced that we really needed to leave Starr's place, we headed to five points. A quick bite at Rosie's and we headed across the street. Packed, shoulder to shoulder, we finally made our way to the bar. Totally standing room only. By a quick nodded agreement, we left. Crutches in a packed bar = not too easy.

We checked a few of the other places we used to hang out. Not as packed but not as full either. Next stop, Las Olas. By this point, my shoulders were burning from walking with the crutches so Bruiser, being the gentleman she is, gave me a piggyback ride. Yes...I said piggyback. Candy and Ash carried my crutches and alternately took turns jabbing me and Bruiser in the ass with them.

We finally found a hopping place that wasn't overflowing and staked claim on a table near the front. Most of the Circus girls were doing shots as I told them about the ATV track I was thinking about building. Me, Candy, and Ash were doing shots of Red Bull just for laughs.

Leave it to Bruiser to spot a damsel in distress while we are out having a good time. One thing led to another and we were all outside stopping some guy from slapping his girl around. Turned out, the guy had a lot of friends. Ten of us and fifteen or so of them and their bitchy girlfriends. Lucky for them, the cops showed up just in time. (You'd have to know Bruiser to understand why I said lucky for THEM...lol.) Lucky for us though...I knew one of the officers. The officer was married to a long-time family friend. So he let us go.

We headed to the strip and my piggyback ride was attracting attention. Tourists with their camera's...sheeesh! I'm pretty sure some weirdo will post a picture of my ass in their "Our trip to Ft. Lauderdale" photo album. Hell, it might have even been in the newspaper...lol. I can see the headline now: Girl With Broken Leg Gets Carried Down Ft. Lauderdale Strip By An Insanely Muscular Butch Woman. Insanely might be pushing but...I love you Bruiser.

After a few more drinks here and there, we ended up on the wall watching the bobbing lights of the cargo ships as they entered and exited the port. I listened as each of the girls told me why I needed to move back to Florida. As convincing and logical as all their reasons were, I had to shoot them down. At least for a little while. I stressed the fact that I really needed the stress free living right now and they finally let it be.

Memories to note:
Candy trying to break dance with my crutches.
Bruiser shaking her ass on the dance floor.
Starr's stalker.
Dimes and Lani's kiss that earned them twenty-six bucks from the college guys that wouldn't stop drooling.
Peace trying to sweet talk the cops before she figured out they were letting us go.
And Walker's 'never ending story' rendition of why she refuses to get into another relationship and the way she moved when we dropped the ice down the back of her shirt. (I swear it was Candy's idea.)

My applause ladies.

By the end of the night...or maybe it was early morning...me, Candy, and Ash were bouncing off the walls while the rest of the crew was holding them up. I swear I will never touch another Red Bull as long as I live. It's worse than the diesel fuel coffee that they sell in truck stops.

Thanks guys!

Family time

I think I finally caught up on all the blogs I've been reading. It only took me five days...hmph.


One of the best things about my Florida trip was being able to take my mom and two nieces to Sea World. It was a trip of firsts for my nieces. Their first road trip without their parents. Their first time staying at a hotel. And the most important first...their first time at Sea World. And I got to be a part of that.

The trip started off a little bumpy. Silly got sick after a dinner stop at Cracker Barrel. So, instead of a three hour drive, it ended up being a six hour drive. But everything turned towards good when we got to the hotel. Honestly, it was one of the nicest hotels I've ever stayed at.



We were on the eighth floor and Silly and Boo ran to the window to look out over the city lights and were speechless when they saw Sea World below. Yeah, the hotel was right in front of the place. After a round of showers and a million questions about what they would see the next day, the girls finally fell asleep.


The alarm went off early. Silly was out of bed and dressed for the day but Boo was a little slower. She's actually a little grumpy in the morning. She must get that from my bro. We skipped a sit down breakfast and opted for the breakfast bars mom supplied as we waited for the bus that would take us to the park. The girls were on the edge of their seats and I think I was just as excited knowing that they were going to have a great day with the ocean life they had been learning about in school.



Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed on the new roller coaster, Manta, or any of the other rides at Sea World. My recent surgery and the boot on my leg hindered my adrenaline fix. I tried to convince Mom to take the girls on at least one of the coasters but there was no way in hell. But she did take them on some of the kiddie rides. (Shhh...but I think she had more fun on those rides than the girls.)






We got to pet the dolphins and stingrays. We walked through the shark tunnel (Silly's fave). Checked out the penguins and the girls got splashed by Shamu. We watched some cool shows and the girls learned the difference between a penguin and a puffin. We had a great time and it didn't rain on us until right before we left.









Memorable snapshots:
Silly's face on the giant crab ride.
Mom riding a giant Dori fish on the carousel and the smile on her face that I haven't seen in years.
Boo, when the fish in the stingray petting area splashed her.



The look of shock when the ice cold water that Shamu splashed on the girls soaked them completely. Boo actually stood and started to run.


Eating lunch and listening to the girls talk about how much fun they were having.
But the trophy goes to.....an amazing stress free day for my family filled with smiles and laughter.

When we got back to the hotel, the girls went swimming...pretending to be the sea life they had met earlier that day. Then we had a great dinner at the hotel restaurant. To complete the great day, we watched Sea World's firework show from our hotel window. Really cool.

Beach Party

It wouldn't be a great trip to Florida without hanging out with my Circus Gals.

Okay...there were several reasons and many people that made it a good trip but, according to the CLC, they are the only ones that count.


First, I must set the scene. Without revealing Starr's identity and address I can only tell you that she has an amazing house right on the ocean, north of the lighthouse. Private beach, lots of alcoholic beverages, crazy surfing on ripples, and a live band that happened to be the band Lani (Dimes' girl) drums for.

Starr kidnapped me. Picture a mob kidnapping with a blindfold and all. She must have rode around in circles to try to throw me off but I knew we'd be going to her place. Its true, she can't hide anything from me. Besides, its not a party if it isn't at her place.

I'd be lying if I said that I lingered in the house to say hello to all the faces that I haven't seen in a few months. Hell no. I went straight out the back door to the ocean. Starr definitely has one of the best slices of the beach anyone could ever hope to own. At least on the East side. I was tempted again to dive right in but I had forgotten my cast protector thing and, well, Walker was half dragging me back inside.

After about three dozen hugs and hello's, the band started in. Fucking amazing! And Lani is totally Animal on that set. I completely understand how she landed the unlandable Dimes. Anyway...I figured out that dancing on crutches kills your shoulders and that I suck at it. But it was still mad fun and I think I danced with everyone. I think.

I stayed away from the alcohol. Starr, being the coolest friend anyone could buy (inside joke), stayed sober with me (Candy and Ash were sober too). It wasn't long before the party moved to the beach. The boards came out and the half-assed surfing started. It was like a comedy fest. I don't think a single person stood for a wave (ripple) but it was hilarious watching them try.

Okay...it was about that time that I started really missing J. Thank the Goddess I wasn't drinking because I might have been a mess. And like she knew I was missing her pretty bad, J called. We got that connection. After my not-so-short but very sweet phone call, the sun had gone down and we moved to the fire pit. That quickly turned into a marshmallow fight that I completely lost since everyone was aiming for me, except me. Oh, and they weren't throwing the big marshmallows since those were for charring. Nope, they were throwing mini's. Mini's that, when I got home, I found in my hair, down my shirt, in my pockets, and one was in my shoe. (Thanks ladies.) It came close to turning into a fire breathing contest when someone found a bottle of 151.

It was a great time as usual. And it ended with a speed filled spin on the back of Candy's bike.
Thanks again, Starr and my fellow clowns from the Crazy Lesbian Circus. And don't worry, I'll write about our night at five points later...lol.

Retro Florida

More of Florida...

It was great to get to see a few of my old high school friends. I didn't get to catch up with all of them (and its not like I didn't try *clears throat* MP, DC) but I did get to see the ones that matter most. KC of course but also Stephro.

Picture an average height, close to thin surfer/stoner chick with the wildest blond hair ever imagined on a girl. Hence the name Stephro. I believe I wrote about our trip out on her dads boat but I wanted to add the pictures.

Her father tried to change my mind about getting in the water but all I could imagine was me falling off the raft and sinking with that damn cast on my leg. Besides, the water was a bit rough. Even now, though, when I look at the pictures, I wish I would have just cut the damn thing off so I could dive in at least once.

It seems so strange. We've all changed so much but we are still the same. Stephro is married with three adorable kids now but still the same scatter-brain, happy-go-lucky surfer chick. Her hair is much shorter and she is much thinner (She refused to tell us her thinning secret. Three kids and as thin as a rail.) but she is still constantly smiling and laughing and making us laugh at her air-headedness.

KC and I had to take away her cool card though. As we were riding to the intercoastal, I had a chance to check out her cd's. We let her slide on the children's cd's but Spice Girls? We ended up giving it back though. Towards the bottom of the stack were her usual favorite: Led Zep, Pink Floyd, Grateful Dead.

As far as KC and I go, we both gained some weight since school but its nothing that a little extra exercise and a better diet won't fix. But like Steph, KC is also married with a kid. A seventeen year old son. I knew about him when we were still in touch but we both had controlling piece of shit boyfriends and (I blame the guys) we lost touch. Me, well I was married before both of them and divorced before Stephro got married and thankfully, I didn't have any kids from that jerk.

But we are all grownups and responsible. Unlike our take-no-shit, fuck-authority, rebellious youthful selves we once were. Okay, I'm still youthful and think I'm invincible but still...

It was good times and I wish I could have hung out a little more with Steph. I wish we all could have met up with MP. But MP was either really too busy or maybe she has a problem with me being gay. We weren't sure but we did have a great time without her.

Luck of the crutch

Gather around...its story time!

Not a back then story but a story none the less. I have 36 days of stories in my head about my trip to Florida. I won't bore anyone with all the details, so I'll stick to the highlights.

KC did meet me at the airport with my mom and when I was all settled at my mom's, we went through a tour of our childhood. The cop thing (previous entry) was a little extreme but we still had a great time.

We lucked out really. KC just happened to live like three minutes away from my mom's so it was pretty easy for us to hang out. Especially since I couldn't drive. Before the surgery we went to see the movie Hangover . Very funny movie and afterwards, KC and I made a million laughter filled promises that we would never let that happen if we ever went to Vegas together.

I hung out with her and her family a lot. Her husband is pretty cool and her 17 year old son is a hottie. We watched the X Games together and some of the Dew Tour. It pisses me off that they don't televise the women's competitions. The only women's comp they showed was the mx race. And I think the only reason they showed it was because a hearing impaired girl won.

Anyway, KC and her family took me to the IMax theater to see the new Harry Potter movie. I had never been to an IMax theater before and the experience was pretty cool.

We got to the place early because KC wanted to get a good seat since it was a sold out show. We weren't the only ones thinking early was good because when we got there, the line was already pretty long.
But being on my crutches paid off. One of the workers tapped me on the shoulder and told me that I needed to go upstairs. Seems the entrance we were standing at would be too difficult to do with my crutches. So we rode the elevator up and were the first to be seated. Yep, we got the best seats in the house.

KC says every time I visit Florida I have to bring my crutches.

Competing with a cartoon?

Gotta love south Florida weather! I'm not being sarcastic either. One minute - beautiful sun - next minute - wicked thunderstorms. That is one thing there isn't a lot of in north Georgia...thunderstorms.

Friends and family have been keeping me pretty busy down here. I've been spending more time at the ocean than I thought I would be. Saturday, me, KC, Stephro, and Stephro's family went out on Stephro's boat. I so wanted to go for a swim in that beautiful ocean but I was sure that with this cast on my leg that I would sink. But DAMN was I tempted. I've got this water proof boot to cover the cast and all but still. Besides, Stephro wouldn't let me and KC threatened to tell J...my friends are wicked sometimes.

Sunday, I went school clothes shopping with my family. It was weird being pushed around the mall in a wheel chair by my mom. When I finally got away from her for a moment, me and my brother contemplated how I could go down the escalator in the chair. I was sure I had it figured out but Mom busted us and scolded us for even thinking about it. I felt like I was five but laughed my ass off because Mom was on the verge of laughing the entire time she was giving us the third degree.

Last night, two of my nieces spent the night. Somewhere around 11:00pm, they knocked on my bedroom door and asked if they could come in. Monster, the 3 year old, was so cute. She asked if she could draw on my boo boo again. I couldn't refuse. Silly, the 8 year old, drew some too.

After they wreaked havoc on my cast, they climbed up in bed with me and we all compared scars. Monster thought her mosquito bites were scars and Silly has as many scars as I do. Most of them won't stay scars though. She's a bit of a tomboy - like me - and has accumulated a few scratches this summer. I was surprised that she could remember how she got each and every one of those scratches.

They were going to stay and "camp out" in my room, but when they found out that the TV in my room didn't pick up the channel for Sponge Bob, they quickly excused themselves and told me goodnight. I think I might be a little offended that they picked a cartoon over hanging out with me...lol.

But they both made it up to me before they left today. I got TWO...yes TWO...get well drawings from them. (Silly drew Sponge Bob's face on one of them though.) I'm gonna miss them when I go home.

Learning

Things I've learned since I've been back in Ft. Lauderdale...

I have the greatest friends and Mom and Step-dad in the world!
Foot surgery...sucks.
Passing out in front of your mom and having her try to catch you before your head smacks the concrete and her failing because you out weigh her and she breaks her fingernail off in your arm is quite painful.
Never go to the courthouse if you are on crutches because its pretty much guaranteed that you will have to walk about three miles to get to the room you need to be in and the crutches will give you blood blisters on each hand and make you feel like you have the shoulders of a football player.
No matter what the mood is of the people that surround me, its a given that I will make them laugh somehow and that will change their mood for the rest of the day for the better.
Taking a shower with your right leg in a cast is NOT easy! (Unless you are a ballerina...lol...which I'm not.)
Its nearly impossible to find a comfortable position to sleep with ten pillows under your heavy, casted leg and your toes keep going numb.
It is totally impossible to have a great morning stretch with a cast and god-only-knows-how-many stitches under that cast. (You wake up real fast!)

I am such an independent person. Mom knows this and is always the first to point it out to me. So this cast thing is driving me nuts. I can't go in the kitchen and fend for myself because, with the crutches, I can't carry anything. Moving around the house is getting a bit easier. Mom has been pretty inventive and has came up with a few good ideas to help me out when I'm at the house by myself. My favorite so far is her filling up water bottles with super sweet crack tea and leaving them in the fridge. I can easily stuff a bottle in my pocket and take it around with me where ever I go. Two thumbs up on that one because I was getting tired of drinking water.

In other news...my incarcerated brother got sprung yesterday. We went to his bond hearing. Man, the state attorney was hell bent on getting any possible money she could out of us to get him out. It was a surprise to all of us when my bro's attorney called my mom up as a witness or something. Mom handled it like a pro and the judge let my bro go without us having to pay a dime. Mom rocks...I just hope my brother starts to appreciate her for all she has done for us.

I had a talk with him last night. He made all kinds of promises that I've heard from his mouth at least a million times. I can only pray that he means them this time. I did point out to him that what he has been doing is slowly killing our mother. I mean, God, she has to take all kinds of medications now...for her nerves, for stress, for sleep. It sucks and I know its because my brother makes her worry so fucking much. I don't know...I'll just keep my fingers crossed that he will change his ways and Mom will get back to good.

My buddy, my pal, KC has been hanging out with me whenever she can. Its really great the way we picked up our friendship like we weren't out of touch for 16 years. I didn't realize how much I missed her friendship until I actually saw her again. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let that happen again.

Last but not least...The CLC girls.
Star, Walker, Bruiser, Peace, Dimes, and Candy...you gals are fucking hilarious. Thank you, thank you very much for such a great time last night. It was so great to see Ash and Candy sober. Lani, WELCOME to the circus! Fair warning though...you hurt my girl Dimes and I break your arms...lol. Hey...I think Lani earned a nickname last night...Animal. It suits her.

I absolutely and completely miss J. I swear its like I'm missing a vital organ or something. Kind of like I'm lost in the dark too. Crazy.

Pictures and wild and crazy stories will soon be posted.

Truth

Time for the truth.

I'm kind of dreading going back to Florida. Its not really all business that will be keeping me there for so long. I'm going to be having surgery too. The surgery is minor (just removing a broken bone in my foot) but the part I don't like is being knocked out. I've only been under one other time and I really hated it. I hated the feeling when I woke up of all that time missing from me.

Granted, I will probably only be out for about thirty to sixty minutes but still.

Another thing that is bothering me is that J won't be there. Its bothering me so much that I've caught myself clinging to her like its a life or death situation. If I keep acting like that, J will probably start thinking all kinds of bad things. She keeps asking me how I feel about it all...the flight, the surgery. I haven't flown in 15 years but I'm cool with that. And the surgery...pain is easy. Its just the going to sleep part that gets me. I've even been thinking about asking the doc if there is an alternative. I don't have to watch (seeing my own blood turns me into a monster) but if the surgery is so minor...why can't I just stay awake? We'll see, I guess.

Sixteen days until I leave. I'll be gone for thirty-six. *I shouldn't have calculated that. Now it seems like I'll be gone forever.*

I'm sad that I will be without J for so long but...I will be able to see some old friends that I haven't seen since high school. And I will be seeing my sister and her daughter, not to mention my brother's girls. I've missed them all so much.

I think I just need to shut my brain off for a while and not think about it. It'll drive me insane. I think I'll write or something. Maybe later, I'll write part three of "Party from hell." Maybe. Enough whining....

Trip Home

Looks like I'll be heading back to Florida in a few weeks. The worst part, I will down there for a little over a month and J isn't going to be with me.

I'm not liking the idea of being apart for so long. It's really going to suck. Hell, we both freaked when I went to North Carolina for less than a week.

But I have to go. It is possible that I will be able to come home after two weeks but...its only a possibility. Sometimes...business sucks!

The only upside to any of it is that I will be able to see a lot of my old friends from high school.

I'll still be updating...didn't think I would neglect this blog, did ya?
I can't really...its like an addiction.