Truth

Time for the truth.

I'm kind of dreading going back to Florida. Its not really all business that will be keeping me there for so long. I'm going to be having surgery too. The surgery is minor (just removing a broken bone in my foot) but the part I don't like is being knocked out. I've only been under one other time and I really hated it. I hated the feeling when I woke up of all that time missing from me.

Granted, I will probably only be out for about thirty to sixty minutes but still.

Another thing that is bothering me is that J won't be there. Its bothering me so much that I've caught myself clinging to her like its a life or death situation. If I keep acting like that, J will probably start thinking all kinds of bad things. She keeps asking me how I feel about it all...the flight, the surgery. I haven't flown in 15 years but I'm cool with that. And the surgery...pain is easy. Its just the going to sleep part that gets me. I've even been thinking about asking the doc if there is an alternative. I don't have to watch (seeing my own blood turns me into a monster) but if the surgery is so minor...why can't I just stay awake? We'll see, I guess.

Sixteen days until I leave. I'll be gone for thirty-six. *I shouldn't have calculated that. Now it seems like I'll be gone forever.*

I'm sad that I will be without J for so long but...I will be able to see some old friends that I haven't seen since high school. And I will be seeing my sister and her daughter, not to mention my brother's girls. I've missed them all so much.

I think I just need to shut my brain off for a while and not think about it. It'll drive me insane. I think I'll write or something. Maybe later, I'll write part three of "Party from hell." Maybe. Enough whining....