Party Over

I always keep my promises...
Back Then ~

The rest of the party was fuzz and static. At one point, I remember making out with Sam on the side of my house. I'm pretty sure I didn't instigate it. She pulled me aside and said she had to talk with me about something. Her kind of talking was all soft lips and the sweet taste of her tongue.

The next thing I remember was laying down in the driveway and watching the stars. All the memories of MM rushed over me and I might have cried...I'm not sure. And then...Rich. Rich was kissing me and touching me. I know I told him to stay away from me at some point but I don't think that happen.

There were flashes of faces - LG and RM - smiling at me and laughing with me. There were bits of music that I heard every now and then. And I remember the kisses. But who they were from...I don't remember. I woke up with the early morning sun in my eyes and big arms wrapped around me. Rich.

I sat up and glanced around my yard. I could only imagine how much the neighbors hated me and all my friends. It looked like something out of a war zone...bodies scattered all over the front lawns. Bodies on the hoods and trunks of cars. One thing I can say, no one left the party intoxicated.

LG yawned and stretched a few feet from me. "That was a great party."
My head was hazed and I had to repeat what she said about a million times in my head so I could comprehend it. I knew something was really wrong with everything that had happened but I couldn't figure it out. I picked up a pack of cigarettes that was staring at me from its peculiar spot in the grass. The pack felt cold and wet in my hand as I opened them to find exactly what I was looking for. I put the cigarette up to my lips and lit it, taking a deep drag as I went over what I could remember in my mind. The memory of kissing Sam made me smile but quickly turned into pain. My lip was cut. The blood was dry.

LG grew impatient waiting for me to comment on the party. "B? Did you have fun last night or what?"
When I looked at her, I remembered that I was angry with her. I didn't know why yet but I knew I really didn't want to talk to her.
"I don't remember," I mumbled, flicking my smoke to the road.
I slowly, slowly got to my feet and dug in my pocket for my house key. I didn't say another word to her as I walked around to all the sleeping people and nudged them awake. I needed to get them all gone before my neighbors called the cops on us all. It didn't seem to take too long to clear the yards and I finally went in the house and washed my face.

Most of the nights events came back to me in little pieces as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. And with those events came the anger, the disappointment in myself, the disgust for what I remembered that I did, and tears...lots of tears.

That's when I realized that I needed to change more than myself to be the person I wanted to be. I was going to have to change EVERYTHING.