The vent is over

It felt kind of good to get all that family shit out, even if it was just writing it in here. I think, though, that I will send a little letter in my dad's father's day card and as soon as I get the address for my brothers jail cell, I'll send him something too. I've pretty much explained my moms letter with her. And our last phone conversation was much better than any of the rest. Maybe she finally gets it. I hope.

J has been amazing. I hate anger, I really do feel it is a waste of energy, but I let it get the best of me last week. From the guilt trips my mother was trying to send me on to the heartbreak over my brothers relapse and the fact that my dad is so fucking arrogant and careless about the whole matter, I was not in a pretty mood.

So, yesterday, J and I drove over to Helen. We ate at the only fast food place there is and people watched. Tourists are funny. We checked out a few of the shops and J tried to convince me to buy this rebel flag bikini. Then we drove around watching the tubers float down the river. It's been a long time since I laughed that hard. I think the funniest was a boy that somehow got tangled in a tree that had fallen in the river. If you could have seen his face. Good times and just what I needed, like usual. She always knows.

I will have another installment of "Back Then" soon. Its getting to the part that I still stand back and ask myself, "What the fuck where you thinking?" I'm feeling like writing, so maybe I write it later tonight. Maybe.