Letter to Mom-its only fair

Because neither of them should be off the hook here...

To Mom,

You call me your angel. Your beautiful independent angel...if you only knew.

I'm independent because I've always had to be. And I'm an angel because I hid all the bad from you so that you wouldn't have another nervous breakdown. Yeah...I'm that kind of angel. Maybe you should call me your magician. Because I always find some how to make it all disappear. Not this time.

You are not so innocent even though I always make you out to be. You see, ever since I can remember, you have given my brother everything he has ever asked for. You have made him so dependant on you that he EXPECTS you to pay his bills, take care of his kids, and pretty much wipe his ass. I know it sounds harsh, and I've told you to cut him off a million times but you always give me the same excuse. "I can't let my grand kids go without."

I understand that. But my brother is not your grand kid. He is a leech that is sucking all of your retirement money out of your pockets. Every time you call me, you remind me of this. And I'm glad you are finally angry. You should have been angry at him from the first time he fucked up. From the first time he called you from jail, crying. You should have hung up. (Did you ever think that if you left him in there the first time that maybe he would have gotten the help he needed...way back then?)

And its true...I have never asked you for one single thing. No money, no free housing, nothing. Even when my life fell apart and turned to ash, I didn't ask you for help. Even if you weren't supporting my brother, his wife, and three kids...I still wouldn't have asked. The worst part...if I would have asked, you wouldn't have heard me anyway. Hell, no one heard me because you were all too busy unloading all of your problems on me.

I don't mind you calling me to vent. But when you try to tell me that its my responsibility to tell my father how big of a piece of shit he is, I think you are wrong. I didn't marry him. I didn't breed with him. And my brother has a voice of his own. And so do you. I know you hate him, so does he, but if you really want to tell him how bad he fucked up his sons life, don't go through me. You tell him or let my brother tell him but don't tell me that I HAVE to tell him.

You really want to know the truth behind me moving 700 miles away...I had to get away from all of you. You all drive me crazy. From your complaints about supporting my brother and having no money, to my brothers middle of the night calls of suicide threats, all the way to the blame game between you and my dad. I had to get as far away as I could for my own sanity. It only half worked. All the drama and craziness followed me through the phone lines. But at least its not constant.

Truth is...dad isn't to blame for Bud. You aren't to blame for him either. I know, for sure, that its not my fault. The only one to blame for his actions is HIM. He is the soul creator of his universe. He is responsible for his decisions. He's weak. And that has nothing to do with any of us.

So please...stop complaining that its ALL my dads fault. And stop telling me what I need to do about it. Because I'm not doing it this time. Its not my turn to fight my brothers battles. All of you need to learn to speak for yourselves because I just lost my voice.

Fair warning...if you bail him out this time, I'll wash my hands of all of you. Its only fair.