Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Permanent Vacation

Well, I'm back from my trip to grandma's house. It was great. I helped them plant everything from roses to bell peppers and installed some fans and light fixtures. We went fishing and caught some trout and I treated them out for dinner on my step-grandfathers birthday. I really enjoyed my time there.

I didn't get to see Uncle Jim and Aunt Pam but I did get to see and go fishing with my Aunt Sherry. We didn't get to have a huge cookout like we planned but its okay. I plan on going back up as soon as I can.

I really didn't want to come home. Eleven days just wasn't enough time. But J really wanted me to come back...

While I was away, my brother got pneumonia. He was in the hospital for a few days then released only to have to go back to the hospital two days later. He's still there now but things are looking better for him. Mom says that he has been showing improvement every day. Thanks, Starr, for checking up on him for me. I owe you one or two or three...I lost count.

My time away ended up being just what I needed to get through all the crap in my head. Unfortunately, I'm still a little unclear on what my future will be. I really needed more time but I hate to hear the sound of tears - it crushes me - so when J asked if she could come up and get me, I gave in. Now I think I should have stood my ground and said no.

I think that maybe the problem isn't so much with J and I. I think its more about this house and the others that live in it. Sadly, as soon as I walked back in the door from my trip, I was instantly angry and full of hate. Its really not like me to be that way but it is out of my control any more. The people I live with just seem to bring out the worst in me.

Oh well...

I'm plan-less at the moment. I have two commissioned art projects to work on and a new song in the works. Other than that...I'll be attempting to keep my temper and sanity in check until I can get out of this place permanently. desperate need of a permanent vacation. Hmph.

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