Honest Scrap...I'm such a slacker

So...DTB has passed an award my way. Honest scrap. Thank you...

I think its easy to be honest when this blog is really anonymous. Except for my friends at the CLC (which I've asked them to stop reading), Jenophobic, and my younger sister, no one that I've physically met reads this. J knows about it but the chances of her actually reading it...slim. And that's what keeps this blog honest.

In accepting this award, I believe I am supposed to confess my sins. No...wait. That is what I was supposed to do at church Friday night(instead, I snuck out the front door). No...I'm supposed to tell you all ten things about myself and pass this on to ten "Honest Scrap" worthy bloggers.

On with the honesty...

1. I spent twelve years with a very demanding, mentally abusive man. Looking back, I wasn't anything more than a well trained pet when I was with him. And for that, I became the queen of TMI - too much information. He'd drill me if I went anywhere without him and he demanded every detail. In my nine years with J, she has been helping me stop this. It was so ingrained in my head that it became habit. A bad habit - very bad habit.

2. I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Especially when it comes to my writing. I have four books finished but I have yet to attempt sending them in. I just don't feel they are ready...or maybe its that I don't feel I am ready. Either way, they are just sitting here waiting for my perfectionist ass to deem them worthy of being read by someone other than myself.

3. This is going to sound cold, but I really don't miss my family as much as I think I should. It has been a year and two months since I moved away from Florida and just the thought of going back down there makes my head hurt. I have two younger siblings that I have probably only visited a dozen or two times in their 6 and 4 years of existence. This fact makes me feel like my father and I hate it.

4. I love cartoons and animated movies. And I really miss getting up bright and early Saturday mornings while the rest of the house is asleep and watching good ol' Bugs and Road Runner and such. Honestly, I have no idea if they still show those cartoons and the chances of me getting up that early are nil. My favorite old cartoon was Speed Racer (hence the nick - Speed) and my favorite films would be Monster's Inc., Cars, and Alice in Wonderland.

5. Going along with the above info...I am a huge Mickey Mouse and Disney fan. I have a collection of Disney films that would rival the collection of any kid under the age of ten. Ha! Really, I have boxes and boxes and boxes of Mickey and Disney stuff. From stuffed animals to figurines to movie posters to collectibles and so on. I even did a college thesis on Disney and can tell you a zillion useless facts about Walt and the company he started.

6. Speaking of college - I only went for one semester. Sadly, I can't blame the fact that I didn't go back on money. I had saved enough money to put myself through the first two years of college with no worries. The reason I didn't go back...because my aunt - a woman I considered my second mother - died in a car accident. This set off a two year spiral of "fuck the world" and "I'm angry at God" depression that almost got the best of me.

7. Music is what brought me out of that spiral. I wrote a song about her that helped me express all the things that haunted me. Two of those being that I never had a chance to say goodbye or to tell her how much I loved her. You'd have to hear the song to understand why those two things were so important and how I finally came to terms with all of it. This song has been performed by me at several funerals (and other places).

8. Music, art, and writing have always been my great escape. Life wasn't always so great for me so I made up lives that I thought were great and lived creatively through my pen or paintbrush or guitar. It was easier than being me. Strangely, I no longer paint but now LIFE IS GOOD.

9. I have been called accident prone or Grace but really I think crazy is a more fitting word. I lack what most people let rule them...fear. I take everything to the limit and never hold back. The way I see it, you only live this life once. And "thoughts are things" and fear is a thought. If you fear it, you will eventually bring it upon yourself. Manifestation is real. Hey...its just what I believe.

10. Finally. This was harder than I thought. I had to go through all my mental files and try to remember what I had already written about. I'm sure number 9 is scattered throughout this blog but still... And on to number 10... I truly enjoy writing this blog and sharing things that I really don't share with anyone else (besides J) with all the people that read this. It has been very humbling watching the number of readers grow. Thanks. And I really enjoy reading all the blogs of others too. You all make the Internet world interesting.

Now on to giving this award away. I'm not sure if I can give away ten but I will try. So in no particular order...

1. Solo Homo at Solohomo.

2. The Asphalt Cowboy at Musings From the High Speed Rodeo.

3. Jess at This Life is Mine.

4. Jen at Dyke Evolution.

5. Jenophobic at Psychotic...Neurotic.

If you have gotten the award before, you deserve it again...haha. Five is all I can do at the moment unless I can give one back to DTB...lol.