Holiday

Thanksgiving with my family was great. We all drove over to Gatlinburg and did the whole tourist thing. We ate at the Hardrock and then took a cable car thing up the mountain and a few of us took a lunge ride (on which Uncle T wrecked). We sampled fudge and bought T-shirts. It was a lot of fun.

We headed back to grandma's to help with all the holiday cooking.

Let me write a little about grandma's house. Its like funland. They have a huge room that used to be an over sized two car garage that they transformed into a game room. There's pool, skee ball, darts, and another game that I have no idea what the name is. And if you don't want to play, there is a huge flat screen tv and a kick ass stereo system to occupy your time. Honestly, no one can ever say they are bored at her house.

So in between cooking, we played pool. I got my ass kicked by every member of my family. But the house smelled great...ham, turkey, pumpkin pies...

It had been a very long time since that much of my family had been together for a holiday. And I think it was just what my family needed.

Solo Drive

There is just something about taking a solo road trip. Its something that I can't name...you just feel.

Granted, my road trip was only three hours long but I did drive through three states. I left Monday evening armed with my gun, GPS, guitar, and a CD case full of Joan Jett (really). There was a nervous goodbye as I settled in the car. J didn't want me to go but she understood why I felt I had to go.

See, Grandma isn't getting any younger. And she is only three hours away and I don't visit her as much as I should. I am the oldest of her grand children and one of her favorites. Yes, she has favorites. Me and my cousin Kurt. Maybe she shouldn't have favorites but really, we are the only two that would drop our lives and rush to her if she needed or just wanted us to. Cousin Mel is the only other grand kid that shows her any respect and the rest of my cousins...well, I have nothing nice to say so I will drop it there.

So I hopped in the car and loaded the CD player. I lit a smoke and waved to J as I drove down the driveway. I made a right onto the highway and rolled down the window yelling, "Tennessee here I come!"

There was no traffic and the weather was perfect. The sun was down behind the trees casting long shadows across the road and making me imagine that I was caught in a strobe light of sorts. The draft from the car in front of me picked up the dead leaves from the side of the road making it look like there were thousands of birds flying along just above the asphalt and I chased them with silly laughter, watching them in my mirror as they chased me too.

365 was vacant. The sky was the palest of blues tinted lightly with grays. I turned up "Do You Wanna Touch" and threw my fist out the window as I sang along screaming, "Yeah!" on cue. I took a deep breath of the clean air and watched as the mountains grew in front of me. Life is good, I thought.

About half way through my trip, the sun ducked down under the horizon. The mountains came to life with with lights from the hidden houses. It looked like space had opened up and swallowed the earth, turning everything into constellations of the living.

I almost didn't notice when I crossed into North Carolina. There was just so much to see. I must have driven this route at least a dozen times, but every time its different. Every time I see something I hadn't noticed before. A lighted cross on the top of a mountain. A new valley of lights. Colorful neon passing in a blur as I speed by.

My thoughts were scattered. I thought about the family I would see. Cousin Mel in from Alaska. I hadn't seen her in at least four years. Aunt C, Uncle T, and Kurt in from Florida. I hadn't seen them in at least a year. And all the rest of the family I would see.

J was never too far from my thoughts either. With Christmas around the corner, I went over the list in my head of all the things I wanted to give her. With that thought came the thought that we probably won't be together on Christmas...just like Thanksgiving. Our reasons for spending the holidays apart are the same. Her grandmother isn't getting any younger either.

The mountains got bigger the further away from home I got. And by the time I hit the Tennessee/North Carolina line, the massive beasts overwhelmed me. I've stood before the ocean, I've been so far out in the ocean that I could no longer see land, but it has never made me feel as small as the mountains do when they tower all around me.

My thoughts wandered and suddenly I felt like I was the tiny spec of dust on the leaf in the movie "Horton Hears A Who." (I think that was the name.) I was thinking about how space was infinite and really, if you want to drive yourself crazy, how we are just a spec of dust in it. Or something like that at least. Thankfully, my phone rang and snapped me out of all that.

I pulled up Grandma's driveway exactly three hours from the time I had left J standing on the front steps. No one was home yet (they were still thirty minutes away) so I got out of the car and leaned against the hood. I lingered in the silence as I stared at the infinite space above me littered with stars. Yeah...life is good, I thought. And as I grabbed my stuff from the trunk, I smiled. I was already looking forward to my solo drive home.

Shhh...

I got this in an email. As soon as I saw it, I knew I had to draw it. I was tempted to make the eyes blue but changed my mind at the last second.

Shhh...

Drawn with .555 drawing pencil.

Seems my art muse is dancing a jig. This is only one of five pictures I've drawn in the past two days. Go figure...

Little things

I don't write much about my relationship with J in here. She wouldn't like it. And out of my respect and love for her, I cannot write about us. "Our relationship is ours," she says. "I don't want the world to read about it and twist it around to fit in their heads."

I can understand that and I respect that. But sometimes, I just want to tell the world what its like to be loved by her. So, in little glimpses and obscure writings, I share the good stuff. And honestly, there never is any bad stuff.

Right now, I'm sick. I'm not the kind of person who needs to be taken care of when I'm sick. I'd rather everyone just leave me alone. J knows this better than anyone. But...

She's good...real good. She has been taking care of me in my sickness and I didn't even realize it until now. She has been so discrete in her care that it almost got by me.

Its the little things that she says or does. Its like subliminal suggestions, physical and mental. I know she doesn't think that I'm onto her yet and I'm not going to stop her. Because, even though I stubbornly want to take care of myself, she needs to feel like she is taking care of me. I know this.

She is so damn cute. And when I get better, I'll let her know that I knew exactly what she was doing...and I will let her know how grateful I was that she did it.

In the new

Today feels like a blur. I'm sick but not too bad sick. But overall, it is slowing me down. As if living in the sticks wasn't slow enough...

The rain makes it worse. Winters in these mountains are dreary. Makes me wonder what the suicide rate is around here.

A phone call yesterday from my sister informed me that our uncle (an adopted uncle -not blood related) has passed away. I wasn't close to him anymore and, although I'm sad, I'm not all that devastated. We knew it was coming. God, rest his soul. Yeah, that's four grand I will never get back... (I swear, I'm not being cold. You would have to know all the circumstances here, so don't judge.)

Sitting in the doctors office today, I got a brilliant idea for my next art project. I'm still working on the big one that I started in the beginning of October but I think I might put it on hold for a bit. This new one, I have affectionately named "An Assault on Time" and I'm thinking clocks and...well, if I told you, there would be nothing left to look forward to.

My finger has healed and we have been practicing every night. New songs are coming together nicely and Lilith Fair is getting closer and closer. With fingers crossed, I'm hoping we make the deadline.

Well...August Rush is coming on. Got to love a movie about a kid and music.
Keep warm - all you Northern readers...

Sway

Better...lol.

That sunset gave way to a star filled sky. We relaxed on the steps, catching glimpses of shooting stars and making wishes to the heavens. Her breath was warm against my ear.

"You're cold," she whispered.

"Not really," I replied.

How could I be, with her arms around me tight and our heated love between us?

But she wasn't convinced and she took my hand and led me to the fire pit. Moments later, we swayed to the dance of the flame. Again, the flames enthralled me.

The brighter the flame, the less stars above. A small sacrifice for the warmth, the visions, the trance and the sway.

Its in her arms that I am me.

Sunsets

The air was wet but it was warm. A walk back from the creek led to a discovery of the world that was above me. Georgia mountain sunsets are mind altering and breath taking at times. This day was one of those days.

The trickle of the creek was in my ears, making it sound as if the sun dropping below the horizon was sizzling in some distant ocean. For a moment, with my eyes closed, I thought I could smell that ocean.

Instead, I opened my eyes to what looked like a raging forest fire. The orange sun back lighting those leafless trees. The horizon looked hot but the wind betrayed the heat. That wind, a cool slap against my cheek, whispering in my ear the promise of the chill of the night.

And what a night...