Speed and the psycho dikes

When I sold out of my last business, I immediately threw away my cell phone. I hated that thing. It would ring all the damn time and it drove me up the wall.

Don't get me wrong, I loved to hear from my friends and family. It wasn't them that I didn't want to hear from anymore. It was the people that were associated with the business. I kid you not. One night around two in the morning, while J and I were uh...busy, the phone rang. Of course I ignored it. But the person wasn't giving up. On the third time they called, I answered with obvious anger in my voice. One of the guys I did business with was on the other end, drunk out of his mind. He said he dialed the wrong number but then proceeding to ask me if I would like to be his company for the night. WTF! Right?

So, yeah, I was more than happy to toss that damn phone as soon as I was no longer associated with the business.

Well, Mom wasn't too happy about this. She hated not being able to talk to me whenever she wanted. So when I was down there last month, she got me another one.

No problem. Except I keep forgetting that I have one and I leave it at home most of the time. Besides, there is only a special select few that I actually gave the number to. And Starr is one of them.

Last night, after I posted that bit on the weather changing, I got a phone call. It was CLC night and all the girls were hanging out together. They had me on speaker phone and each of them got on to me about that little bit I added at the end of my post. The part about moving to Alaska.

I'd be lying if I said that J and I haven't seriously considered it. I've never been there but from the pictures Mel has sent me, the place is breathtakingly beautiful. And like I said, we could spend the winters in Hawaii with my cousin. It sounds perfect but...

"Hell no!" Starr practically yelled in the phone.
"That's right, Speed. Don't you even think of it," Walker added.
"I'll fly up there and beat the shit out of you right now," Bruiser threw in.
I could hear the rest of the girls protesting in the background too.
"What are you guys talking about?" I had to ask because I was really clueless.
"I just got your update on my phone. You cannot move to Alaska." Starr sounded like my mom for a second. "Since you left, we hardly get to see you. If you move to Alaska, we will never see you."
"Guys," I tried to explain. But they didn't want to hear it.
"Speed," Candy spoke, "my sister from another mother. And father for that matter. But that's beside the point. I love you. We love you. You already left us and are now 717 miles away. If you move to Alaska, you will be like 10,000 miles away. I couldn't handle that. I'm already suffering from separation anxiety with you being in Georgia. If you moved to Alaska, I would go out of my mind."

They are the greatest friends.

Peace grabbed the phone and took me off speaker. "I wonder what the waves are like in Alaska. Wait. No I don't. Please tell me that you really aren't going to move there."

"Nah, hun. I have no intentions on moving to Alaska anytime soon. But I really am going there next summer for that wedding." There was a certain sadness in her voice and it kind of made me feel horrible and horribly loved all at the same time.
"But, Speed. What if you go there and you do fall in love with the place and then next thing we know, we get a post card from you saying that you are never coming back to the east side and, well...who will I call when Walker pisses me off and Starr won't listen and you are too busy snowboarding Mt. McKinley and won't answer your damn phone again? How will I complain to you about Candy doing those crazy ass stunts on her bike that you two used to do together and she scares the shit out of me? Or," and her voice got softer, "who will sing to me when I've had one of those days where the paint just isn't right on the canvas and the rain won't fall? It won't be you because you will be in like a different time zone and living it up in some untouched landscape and forgetting all about us. The people who love you to death."

You would really have to know us to know exactly why I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes.
"Aikona, baby," I said as I caught my breath. "Not gonna happen. But if it did, what makes you think that I wouldn't invite all of you to come up for an extended visit? And then when you got there, you all fell in love with the place and decided that you no longer needed anything you had in Florida and you moved into my garage and we spent everyday of the summer chasing bears on the four wheelers and everyday of the winter snowboarding and skiing and building really cool snowboarding parks all over the place. And you'd paint all those untouched landscapes and sell them for millions and Candy wouldn't ride her bike anymore because she would be having too much fun off-roading and Walker wouldn't piss you off because she would be chasing the Eskimo chicks around and Starr would be more relaxed than she had ever been in her entire life and Bruiser would become a bear wrestler and Dimes and Lani would be making very beautiful babies for us all to fall in love with. What if?"

Peace took a second, I guess she was contemplating. "That actually sounds really cool. Except for the part about Bruiser and the bears."

Dimes somehow got the phone from Peace. "These chicks are crazy if they actually think that you would move that far away from us."

I laughed. "Right."

"Besides, don't they know that there is way too many men up there and definitely not enough women. I think its like 7 men to every woman. What lesbian would ever want to live there?"

I had to laugh even harder. Leave it to Dimes to think of it that way.

So, to ease all of you crazy dikes minds, I'll be in Georgia. At least until next summer. And then we can talk about it. Love you girls!