Giving Thanks

Starr left me this morning, heading back to sunny south Florida. I miss her already.

Starr, she's kind of like me, a positive thinker and can always find the good in every thing and every body. Even she struggled with what I'm dealing with right now. But, as always, she tried to help me turn it all around in my head to make it a little easier to deal with.

"You gotta stay positive," she told me. The same words that J just echoed.

Although it sounds easy enough, it is hard as hell when the negative is staring you in the face and breathing down your neck constantly.

I have been trying everything. My best defense is to just ignore. I have had tons of practice at that. Ask me how I lived with my mother for all those years (she pulls the negative from everything and harps on it) one of these days. But even ignoring this has been rather difficult.

I have never hated, truly hated anyone or anything my entire life. Not even my ex or my father, which once I get through the story (back then) you will understand what I mean. I disliked God for a couple of years when she took away someone who meant everything to me but once I figured out that it was the way it was supposed to be, I forgave and asked to be forgiven. Hate would be such an easy and somewhat satisfying way to deal with this. But hate is negative and the more negative you allow in your life, the worse life is.

I really don't want my life to take that turn. I've learned my lesson. I guess I will just have to figure it out. Figure out a way I can deal with this without going postal or entering the downward spiral. And with friends like Starr and a girl like J, I know it is possible.

Starr, thank you so much for jumping on that plane and being here before I could blink. Thank you for the late night talks. Thank you for the early morning reasoning's. Thank you for the drunken I love you's. Thank you for everything. Most of all, thank you for loving me this *stretching arms as far wide as I can* much. Because I love you twice as much.