My business

As promised....Back Then (its a lil late...)

As a young person, I made some pretty stupid things. But I really think we all did.

I was a little over a month into my tenth grade year. School was kind of getting to me. I was thinking that it was just a big waste of time. But I loved my art class and my drama/stagecraft class, too. Somehow, I convinced myself that those two classes were worth going to school for. In both of these classes is where I met D-friend (silly nicknames we had for each other) aka, the Crayola Queen. She was one of the maybe five or so Goth kids at our school. Seriously, she was Goth before Goth hit mainstream. I didn't know it was possible for a human to be that white and still be alive.

In my efforts to change the path my life was on, I decided she would be a good friend to have. Meaning...she was clean, no drugs.

BM didn't do drugs either, so I was spending more and more time with her. LG knew her too and we would all hang out together after school. Actually, LG was kind of clinging to me...now that she noticed I was spending more time with other people. And when she would hang out with me and BM, drugs seemed to be foreign to her. Maybe it was because BM didn't think they were cool. Get it.

Anyway, I was doing much better and staying away from everything seemed to be getting easier.

Rich and I, well...he was kind of clingy too. At first it annoyed me, then I just got numb to the fact. There was purpose behind me dating him, I would keep reminding myself. But Sam sightings were few and far between.

Honestly, as I look back now, I remember being so confused. Confused about her and confused about Rich. Both were amazing kissers but when I kissed her, I felt something more, more than I ever felt with him. I really didn't understand when really, I should have. But I never took any of it seriously anyway. I was only fourteen...I figured that I would figure it all out when it actually became important to me. And at that time in my life the only things that were important were art and music and skateboarding.

BM had to work the weekend and I ended up hanging out at the theater with Rich, LG, and RM. There were others hanging out too but, like RM's brother and another of our local drug dealers and his latest fiend. Just because I was hanging out with them didn't mean I had to talk with them and I was doing great ignoring them for the most part. But then...

"So, have you met Fred yet?" RM asked over my shoulder.
I was busy playing Galaga and I really didn't want to answer.
"Well?" he asked again.
"It's really none of your fucking business," I told him without turning around.

By this time his brother had walked up too. He asked me the same thing.
"Leave me the fuck alone. And again, it is none of your business." I turned around and Rich and LG were standing behind me against the wall. Both of them smiling at the questions I was being asked. I glanced at RM and JM and asked, "Why? What did he say?" I nodded my chin in Rich's direction.
RM laughed and leaned against the side of the arcade machine. "He said you've been giving him blue-balls."

Truthfully, I had kissed more than a few guys and a couple of girls by this age. I'd seen more body parts of both than most girls my age. I knew about sex and the mechanics of it all. I wasn't innocent. BUT, I had never in my life heard anyone say that they had blue-balls. My first thought...he's diseased.

"Blue what?" I asked, trying to hide my confusion.
JM put his arm over my shoulder. "He's saying that you've been getting him all worked up and horny and then sending him home."
That kind of pissed me off. "Well then, he deserves his blue-balls if he is telling you guys that much."
And they thought it was funny. At least it kept them from staying on the subject.

Later, as LG and I were walking home (actually, I was riding my board and she was walking), she brought it all up again.
"I can't believe you haven't slept with him yet." She was a bad actress and I could tell that whatever she was going to say, she was asked to.
"LG, it's not my thing. Besides, there's no rule that says that just because he is my boyfriend, I have to sleep with him." Out of all the people in the world, LG wasn't the one I would have chosen to have this conversation with.
"Are you scared? Like you'll get pregnant or something?"
I looked at her like she was 90 degrees of crazy. "No. I just don't want to. I have no interest in meeting Fred."
"You don't know what you are missing," she said, kind of laughing.

It was no secret that she had slept with KK. Even less of a secret that she had slept with RM and maybe a dozen or so other guys.

"Actually, LG, I know that I'm not missing a thing. What makes you think I'm a virgin?"

This knocked her off balance a bit. For a few minutes, she didn't know what to say.

"Well, then why don't you just fuck him and get it over with?" she asked.
We stopped in front of her house and I slapped the tail of my board against the ground making the board jump up in my hand. "Because I just don't want to. And I'm not going to change my mind for any of you. If I ever get the feeling like I want to sleep with him, I will but until then, all of you need to stay out of my business."

I left it at that and headed home.
Here's a laugh for you all...I slept with Rich less than a week later. And of course, it sucked. BUT, I did sleep with him because I wanted to. I had finally gotten to hang out with Sam and when she left, he was there.
Stupid reasoning, I know but... And if he ever knew....hahaha...