A kidnapping in creation

My lovely cousin, Jane, graced my ears with her soothing voice last night. Lately, I have been feeling kind of awkward and out of place, so to speak. Kind of stagnant and such. And North Georgia just hasn't quite felt like home to me yet.
I still can't seem to find my groove. Adjusting isn't as easy as I expected. I have no idea how I lived up here for two years before.

Back to Jane.
I had left her a message on myspace to call me. Like the loyal cousin she is, she called late last night. My day was shit and just the sound of her voice lifted that dark cloud in an instant. She had me laughing in no time. Well, I had left her specific instructions on what her call was to be about. I think I'm in desperate need of one of those "I'm laughing so hard my ribs are hurting" phone calls. It was just that...hell, my jaw still hurts.

Jane: What's the matter, baby?
me: Lots of things. And I can't really talk right now. (I was in the kitchen and it seemed everyone followed me.)
Jane: Okay, lets play 21 questions.
me: Okay. Go. Yes or no only please.
Jane: Hmmm....is it J?
me: Nope.
Jane: Is it Rock?
me: Maybe.
Jane: I see. Umm, is it the fact that you are stuck up in the sticks and bored out of your mind?
me: Yes.
Jane: Uh (there was about thirty seconds of her humming uh)
me: You suck at 20 questions.
Jane: (Laughing) 21 questions and just wait...Is it that there is nothing to do?
me: You just asked me that and you really suck at 21 questions. You can't even make it to five.
Jane: I guess you are right. I do suck at 21 questions.

I grabbed my sketch pad from my room and brought it out to the kitchen table. For some reason, I feel I have to chain smoke when I talk to her and I never smoke in the bedroom. (If this was my house, I wouldn't even smoke inside.)

Jane: What are you doing?
me: Finishing a drawing of Bob Seger for my mom. Oh! I put up a new drawing on myspace, too. Its Jesus.
Jane: Whoa! Jesus?
me: Well, Ted Neely as Jesus.
Jane: That guy has spent his whole life pretending to be Jesus. I guess we can be sure that he is going to hell.


She went to myspace and looked at my new art.

Jane: Oooh. Baby...
me: What? Can you tell I wasn't into it or what?
Jane: Yes. I can tell. You need to take it down.
me: Why? People need to see that I do half ass work too. (I laughed. So, I'm not perfect.)
Jane: Its great work, B, but it doesn't live up to the rest of your work. You need to keep this between you and your mom and take it down.
me: Alright. I'll take it down...for your sake.

One thing I can always expect from her is the truth. I knew it wasn't one of my best pieces but, really, I don't care. Its just what I do to fill in the spaces of time where I'm about to go out of my mind.
By this point in the conversation, she has talked with Bob (aka Mary Jane in drag) and she has to tell me about it.

Jane: Can you believe I'm still smoking birthday weed?
me: (Calculating in my head...its been a month since she turned 28) Damn! No. How'd you manage that?
Jane: This stuff is that good.
me: (Laughing) Really?
Jane: Yeah. It only takes two hits and you are good. Three hits of this and you will be stuck on stupid.
me: (Laughing my ass off) Stuck on stupid?
Jane: Hell yeah! Shit, if you tried to smoke an entire joint of this, you would be stuck on stupid for a month.

Stuck on stupid. A few more minutes into the conversation and it sounded like she was borderline stupid. But she kept me laughing. She threatened to come and kidnap me for a week or two. She said she was going to get Freak and Dad D to drive down here, blindfold me, toss me in the trunk, and take me to Asheville. I told her that it didn't sound like my idea of escape. Besides, I'd get claustrophobic, go nuts, and kill the first person I saw when that trunk opened. She said, "Then we better put you in the back seat."