Dads?

Those last few days of the summer with her were great. We managed to escape the Chris shadow and spent time at the new strip mall they were building up near State Road 84. I remember that we were excited that we were finally getting a McDonald's in our damn neighborhood that seemed to be way behind the times of the world.
It was getting close to dark time. We all had to check in when the street lights came on and after that, we were only allowed to stay outside if we stayed in the circle. I chased after her, through the skeleton looking buildings. Steel, aluminum, and wood frames that would soon be stores that we would probably never go in. She hid around the corner and ducked down. As soon as I passed she jumped up and grabbed me from behind. I remember, I balled up my fist and prepared to swing but her laughter quickly calmed me.
"You scared the shit out of me," I huffed.
She laughed again, this time it echoed through the empty skeleton frames. "That was the point."
I turned around trying to free myself from her hold but she wouldn't let go. Instead she stared into my eyes like she wanted to tell me something so badly but couldn't. I stared back, trying to tell her with my eyes that she could tell me what it was. Anything, it didn't matter.
When her arms around me tightened and pulled me closer and she rested her head on my shoulder, I thought she was going to cry. And that thought made me feel awful. Like something inside of me was crumbling. Like someone had punched me in the gut. I hugged her back, even though I didn't understand.


I'm not sure how long we stood there like that. We swayed to a tune that was playing in our heads and the skin between us heated up. I felt her heart beating against my chest, hard and fast, like she was afraid. I didn't want her to be afraid of anything. In my eyes, she was just as strong as I was. Fearless to the extent of not caring. Hell, we were kids after all. Indestructible. Bones healed, wounds faded to scars. And the scars, well they were something cool to talk about.

She finally broke our spell. I was feeling more than confused. She took my hand, pulling me behind her until we reached the free standing building that would soon be McDonald's.

"Come on," she said as she grabbed the permanent ladder on the side of the building.

I followed her up and within a few seconds, we were on the roof. Lights from the traffic flew by, its sound buzzed up to our ears. We sat on the edge with our feet hanging over and she grabbed my hand again.

"I think this has been the best summer ever." She raked her hand through her jet black hair and let out a sigh that made me melt.

"Yeah, " I agreed. "You gonna play mud football with us tomorrow?"

"You know it. Its my favorite sport," she joked.

I looked down at my dangling feet and contemplated jumping. It didn't look that far and I imagined the adrenaline rush would be unreal. But then she squeezed my hand and brought me back to us. I glanced over at her and studied her profile. I always thought of her as cool. A hard edged, take no shit kind of girl. Nobody fucked with her. And by association, or at least I thought, no one fucked with me either. But in the twilight of the fading sun, she looked...delicate, like she was so fragile that if I touched her she would break.

I shook my head. Not her. Never could she be delicate or fragile. The way I felt for her was so confusing. I knew I loved her in a best friend sort of way but there was more. More than I had ever felt before. The shaking, nausea, the sweat on my brow even in the cool night breeze...things I couldn't explain...were beyond my understanding.

It was all too much to think about. I laid back and folded my arms under my head. The stars were starting to show. And all I could do was smile when she put her head down on my folded arm, her hand reaching for the necklace I always wore. She inspected my St. Christopher carefully.

"Do you ever take this off?" she asked, propping up on her elbow.
I looked for her eyes. "Nope."
"Hmm. Where did you get it?"
"My dad gave it to me. My first birthday after he left. He gave me the chain, the two charms, and this," I said and held my hand out for her inspection. I wore a crucifix ring on my left hand. "The charm is just like his."
"Is your dad cool?"
I shrugged. "Not really. I mean he used to be, when I was real little. Mom said it was a guilt present. He felt guilty for almost putting my head through the wall last year."
She sat straight up and gasped. "What happened? Why would he do that?"
It hurt to explain. It hurt to tell the truth, but I knew I could trust her and I knew she wouldn't tell another soul. There was more than one reason why my dad no longer lived with us.
"God, B. I'm so sorry." She laid back down and this time, her hand was in the center of my chest. "Your dad sounds as bad as my dad."

As much as I tried, she still wouldn't talk about it.