No regrets, the end

It was the first and the last time I ever stayed at her house. Of course Mom said I could stay. After a little begging, her mom agreed too.

She had three brothers. Only one was older. And the youngest, well he looked nothing like the rest of them. She had her fathers eyes and pretty much everything else of his...except, she had her mom's smile. A much kinder smile than her fathers. He kind of gave me the creeps. Come to think of it, both her parents gave me the creeps.

She gave me a T-shirt to sleep in. It was my favorite T-shirt of hers. Iron Maiden with a kick ass picture of Eddie on the front. It was blue and white tie-dye and so fucking soft. It came down about mid-thigh on me. I took a quick shower and changed. I felt uncomfortable walking through her house in just my underwear and her T-shirt, so I pulled my jeans back on until I got to her room.

About ten minutes later, she was showered and back in her room too. I remember thinking that I wish that I was as beautiful as she was. Her long, dark hair. Her bright, shining eyes. Her perfect smile and her tall, lean frame. She had a tank top on that showed off the tight, firm muscles in her arms. And her shorts were just enough to cover what they needed to.

It was hours before we actually climbed into her bed. We went through her cassette and record collection. I sketched a few of her favorite album covers for her as she took pictures of me. She said she wanted memories. I didn't try to understand.

We had just shut off the light and crawled into her bed when her door handle started rattling. At first, I didn't know what it was and I reached for my skateboard. I figured that whatever it was, I could beat the shit out of it with my board.

"You better unlock this door," sounded an evilly loud whisper.

I was sure it was her dad or maybe her oldest brother. She was shaking uncontrollably next to me and her breathing became hard and loud. I clicked on the lamp.

"You okay?" I asked. She was making me nervous.
"Yeah," she whispered.
I got up and unlocked the door. "Hey, Mr. M," I smiled.
He looked shocked to see me. He wasn't home when Mrs. M agreed to let me stay over. I noticed his hands trembling and the sweat pouring out from under his hairline. And there was something in his eyes that I just couldn't place. Fear, nervousness, anxiousness, I didn't know. He grinned to try and hide the anger of the door being locked.
"I...uh, I was just checking to make sure you girls were alright. I thought I heard something." His voice was a little higher than normal with a raspy undertone that gave me the chills. I knew he was lying. "M? Can you come out here for a minute?"
"I'm really tired, Dad. Do I have too?"

From where I was standing, she was visibly shaking. There was fear in her eyes so plainly that I knew I had to do something. Say something. If she didn't want to be alone in the dark with him, then maybe I should just step outside the door. I had a plan.

"Mr. M, its cool. I'll step outside," I nodded and stepped just outside the door.

I didn't think he would close it but when he did, I felt panic. She really didn't want to be alone with him. So I searched for something to break or knock over that would make a loud enough noise to wake the dead. I found it in the form of a lamp. I didn't realize how angry I was until I raised that thing above my head and slammed it to the ground. It shattered into a million pieces and shards of glass sliced through the skin of my legs. "Shit," I mumbled.

It worked though. Her door flung open. Mrs. M and M's brothers came out of their rooms. I apologized profusely as Mrs. M bandaged my legs. She asked me several times if I wanted to go home and I kindly refused. There was no way I was ever going to leave M in that house alone. No one should be that afraid of their father.

"What happened?" Mrs. M asked as she helped me off the counter. M and her brothers were cleaning up the mess.
"Mr. M needed to talk with M or something, so I stepped outside the room. I was looking for a light to turn on and I accidentally hit the lamp. I tried to catch it before it hit the ground but I wasn't fast enough," I explained. If there was one thing I was really good at, it was lying...making up stories.
Mrs. M looked at me in confusion. That confusion quickly turned into anger and I didn't understand at all. Did she know something that I didn't?

"Honey," she called to Mr. M. "Come here please."
Her teeth were gritted and her fists were clinched. When Mr. M walked past me, I could smell his sweat and the look he gave me. Well, if looks could kill, I would have been dead. I finished helping clean up the mess that I had made. Mr. and Mrs. M vanished into their room at the other end of the house. I could hear them yelling and things breaking and all of us kids decided it would be best if we went back to our rooms. I made sure to lock the door behind us.

She was still shaking as we crawled up on the bed. As soon as I laid beside her, she wrapped herself around me. I clicked off the light and held her tight. She was crying, crying so hard that it shook the entire bed. I wasn't sure what had happen in those few minutes while the door was shut, but whatever it was, she didn't like it.

"Thank...thank you," she cried. "Thank you for being here. Thank you for breaking that lamp."

"Please tell what is going on, M. You know you can trust me. Maybe I can help?" I kissed the top of her head and squeezed her hand. I wanted to reassure her that I was one of the good guys. That, if she needed to get out of that house, that I would help her no matter what.

She wouldn't or couldn't say a word. She just shook even more and cried even harder.

"If he is hurting you...I will...M, I will...I'll tell my grandpa and he will take care of him. You'll never have to worry about him hurting you again. You just have to tell me. Please?"

She took a deep, deep breath and held me tighter. "That's why I love you. You mean everything you say." She found my eyes in the dark and kissed my cheek. "One peaceful night with you is really all I need."

I knew right then that she wasn't going to tell me. But, God. My guts were twisting inside me, my heartbeat felt hollow, and I wasn't sure I was breathing. Whatever he was doing to her, I had to find a way to make it stop. It was killing me seeing and feeling her that way.

"You could runaway," I offered. "Come stay with me. My mom works all the time, anyway. And besides, she likes you."

"You think?" Her voice perked up and she sounded like she was really considering it.

"Sure. I'll talk to my mom tomorrow. Things are tough right now, with my dad gone and everything. But I've been working all summer and things are getting easier. I'll just have to keep up with my lawn mowing gig." I kissed her head again. "We can make it work."

"I don't know." I heard doubt creeping in her voice. "My parents would probably call the cops and your mom would get arrested or something."

"Ah ha," I laughed. "And that's where Grandpa comes in." Nobody fucked with my Grandpa. And whatever he said was law.

"Let me think about it, okay." Her hand moved under my shirt and rested on the warm skin of my belly. "Just don't let me go."

I couldn't let her go. And I stayed awake all night, holding her and calming her as she cried. And when morning came, I didn't want to leave her. Her dad, he stared at me like he was plotting to kill me and her mom looked extremely sad. She would hardly look M in the eye. It was obvious they wanted me to leave. But I was so afraid that if I did, they would both hurt her. After breakfast, M walked me back to her room. I pulled on my Airwalks and was about to change back into my Megadeth shirt.

"No. Keep it. It looks better on you." She walked up to me and smoothed the wrinkles from the front of the shirt.

I tossed my Megadeth shirt to her. "Even trade," I smiled. "I'll wait for you, down at the ramp. I'll wait all damn day and night if I have to."

She laughed. "I know you will."

There was something about the hug that she gave me that felt so...final. Like it was the last time she would ever be able to hold me. I felt like crying. I felt like someone was ripping out my insides. Like the world was ending. She took my face in her hands and kissed my lips so gently.

"Don't...don't worry about me. No matter what happens." Tears welled in her eyes and I couldn't stop the ones that were sliding down my cheeks.

"Don't stay. M, please come with me? We can sneak out the window. They'll never know you're gone. Please," I begged.

"I'm gonna be fine," she whispered as she embraced me again. So tight that my breath left my body. "Always remember that I love you. Never forget me. I'll never forget you."

"M? I don't like the way you are talking. What is going on?" I gripped her tight. There was no way I was letting her go. No way. And I started crying harder.

"Promise me, B. Promise me you'll never forget me."

"I promise. I'll never forget you. And I love you too. Dammit, M! You are scaring the shit out of me."

"Don't be afraid. You're too tough for that. We both are. And you have given me the strength to do what I know has to be done."

She held me for a few minutes longer and she gave me another kiss as we parted. She walked me to the door and yelled, "Don't wait for me forever," as I waved and walked backwards.

"I have to, M. I have to." I waved again and watched her walk back in her house.

I sat at the end of her street all day and night. I finally went home when my mom came and got me. The next morning, I was at the end of her street again. Sometime around ten that morning, the cops showed up. No one would tell me what was going on.

Shane finally told me that she had ran away that night. That she had waited until my mom picked me up and then she left a note and disappeared. I never saw her again. God, but I dreamt of her every night. And a few times, at school, I thought I saw her standing off in the distance, watching me. But when I would try to get to her, she would vanish. I got a few phone calls. No one ever said anything, they just played music in the background. Songs that me and her would sing all the time. I knew she was trying to tell me she was okay. But they eventually stopped.

It took years for me to finally find out the truth. Her dad...he was molesting her. Had been for years. I finally understood what she meant by one peaceful night with me. They arrested him and as far as I know, he is still in jail.

But I kept my promise. I have never forgotten her. Never. And its the little things that remind me of her from day to day. She was my best friend. The first person I ever really loved...I just wish I would have known that that's what it was back then. But I have no regrets. We had the time of our lives that summer. And no matter what...I know she's okay. But it doesn't stop me from missing her.