They don't understand

I could never forget that night.

We were at Teenage Wasteland. There was only a tiny sliver of moon shining in the star filled sky and the hot summer air had chilled. We were trippin' hard and sippin' Sunkist. She never left my side.
We must have spent hours on our backs in the tall grass just staring at the ever changing sky, having conversations with the stars, and laughing because we knew it was a drug induced reality. We didn't even notice when the rest of our friends got up to start playing Body Snatchers.

Chris lingered beside us for a while. I have no idea when he finally left us alone but when we realized he was gone, we really started talking. Most of what we said, I can barely remember.

I started to feel sick as I watched the stars go to war above me. I couldn't slow any of it down. She took me by the hand and we walked to the old horse stalls. We found a secluded corner to sit in. Neither of us could handle the stars anymore. She sat against the old wood and I sat against her, my back to her chest. I sang some random Joan Jett tune while she raked her soothing fingers through my hair.

"I know that one day, you will be famous," she whispered. "You are going to be some star skateboarder, an artist, or a musician. I know it." She pulled me tighter to her. "Don't forget me."

I thought it was the drugs playing a trick on me when I heard her whisper that she loved me. I mean, I loved her too. She was my best friend and I looked up to her. And when I whispered that I loved her too, I heard her gasp.

"I could never forget you. Besides, if I go anywhere, I'm taking you with me," I promised. My eyes were closed and I was concentrating on the strange sensation her hands were causing to consume my body. Waves of I have no idea what. But it warmed me from the cool night air.

"You would take me with you?" Her lips were right next to my ear.

"Absolutely. My life would suck without you." What I wanted to say is that I would die without her. That she meant more to me than anyone I had even known. That in the three years I had known her, my life began to have some kind of meaning.

"I would be your biggest fan." She kissed the spot just in front of my ear and I smiled. Her lips were as soft as I had imagined.

I'd imagined kissing her millions of times but I didn't understand it. I mean, she was a girl and I was a girl and according to family members and other friends, that wasn't the way it was supposed to be. But see, I was a bit of a rebel and I figured that one day, I would prove them all wrong. Just not at that moment.

I laughed. "You already are my biggest fan. The only fan that matters."

In the silence, I must have slipped off to some sort of dream land. I remember thinking that I would never do shrooms again. And then Shane came around the corner and we both jumped.

His laugh kind of echoed and I had to shake my head to get a good view of him standing there with a smirk across his face. "Brad's sick. Do you guys have any Sunkist left?"

I held out my can that was still half full. "He can have the rest. Everyone else okay?"

"Yeah, well. Chris is a little bent out of shape but he'll live." That smirk grew wider. "Why don't you two just fuck and get it over with?"

I felt violently ill to my stomach. "Fuck no. No way. I'm not sleeping with him."

Shane laughed. "I'm not talking about Chris. I'm talking about you two." He shrugged and walked away.

She pulled me back into her arms, locking them around me. "Don't listen to those guys. They just don't understand."

Truth was, I really didn't either. The thought that he had just put in my head seemed so beautiful. So perfect. So right. But also, so wrong. But, Jesus, I was only 12. I know, I know. 12 year olds shouldn't be doing drugs but we shouldn't be thinking about sex either. I figured that I would have a lot of time before I would be walking down that road. The sex road that is. No matter what I felt for her, which still was a mystery in my head, the thought of sex seemed too much, too soon.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" She asked so quietly that I almost didn't hear her.

"Sure," I smiled. "I just gotta ask my mom. I'm sure it will be okay though."