Talking with Bob

I posted a list of all the people I miss yesterday on my myspace blog. A list of friends and of course my family. My cousin (the other family member that is "out" gay) called me as soon as she read the blog. I told her about this blog and she asked to be called Jane.

Out of all the nick names in the world, she picked Jane? Even funnier is that no one calls her by her real name anyway, so I could have just used that nick.

The first words out of her mouth were, "I miss you too."

Talking with Jane is like being stuck in the middle of a comedy festival. I never know what to expect when talking with her and she never fails to get me in a really good mood. Last night was no exception.

Even though she was pretty upset about her snake being sick, she was still great to talk to. (I told her to think that her snake was okay and it would be. Because, thoughts are things after all and if you think it, so be it. The positive thinker in me never fails.)

In our 93 minute conversation, we learned that she is only 161.23 miles from me. A three hour drive. Not bad considering that I used to be 15 hours from her. Then I learned she had been talking to Bob.
I was thinking, who the hell is Bob?
She goes on to tell me that Bob is really Mary Jane. (For the slow ones...its not a person, its a herb.)

me: So Bob is Mary Jane in drag?
Jane: (laughing) Exactly. Only you could think of something like that.
me: Well...why Bob?
Jane: Because its easier to say Bob than it is to say Mary Jane when you've been talking with Bob. And besides, Bob spells Bob backwards.
me: Now, only you would use reasons like that.
Jane: Do you know how hard it is to spell or say Mary Jane backwards?
me: (thinking about it) Its definitely not easy.
Jane: And it sounds fucked up.
me: Yeah it does.

The conversation went into extreme laughter as we butchered Mary Jane and picked on Bob.

Jane: You should try these.
me: What?
Jane: Strawberry milkshake Whoppers. They're like these whoppers that are covered in this yummy strawberry stuff.
me: Yeah, but you've been talking with Bob so anything tastes great right now. I can't eat them anyway. (celiac disease)
Jane: They do taste great. Mmmm, and I'm so sorry you can't have these. They are mmm...
me: Rub it in. You are probably going to eat so many that they are going to make you sick.
Jane: Mmmm...

About twenty minutes later, she told me she had to put them away because they were making her sick. Hey, I warned her. Another person on my list was Freak. She's a young girl that I met about 11 years ago. She plays guitar like you wouldn't believe. Jane informed me that Freak was going to be at her house that night.

Freak and I have very interesting conversations. We talk about the most off the wall things that make sense to no one except us. About 60 minutes into the conversation with Jane, Freak finally showed up.

Freak: Hello?
me: Freak!
Freak: I miss you.
me: I miss you too. I even wrote about how much I missed you at myspace.
Freak: You did? Aww. Thank you. I have to read it.
me: Yeah you do.
Freak: Its such a nice night out.
me: It is. (I'm standing out on the front steps.) Did you see the moon?
Freak: Yes. Isn't it beautiful. I want to fly up there and chase it around.
me: Do you think it will actually run?
Freak: Hmm...I think so.
me: Well, when you catch it, hold it so I can take a bite out of it.
Freak: Ooh yeah. I want to take a bite too. Do you think it would mind?
me: Umm...it might. But if you caught it that means you run faster than it does, so we should have no problem getting away.
Freak: Yeah. Lets do it.

We all talked until Jane's phone died. But then at 2am, the phone rang again.

Jane: I was so worried about calling you back.
me: Why?
Jane: I didn't know who would answer.
me: Luckily I still had the phone in my room. (J's dad was sleeping.)
Jane: I just wanted to call you and tell you that I am cuddled up with Big Bunny.
me: OMG! You still have that thing? (Big Bunny was a gift from an ex that I didn't want to throw away but I didn't want to keep. Its about a three foot stuffed rabbit.)
Jane: Yes. You wanna say hi?
me: Sure! Hi Big Bunny! (I swear we are grown adults.)

She kept threatening to fall asleep on the phone so I made her say goodnight and hang up. But not before...

me: Say goodnight to Bug Bunny for me and give it a hug.
Jane: (she actually said goodnight to the bunny and made noises like she was squeezing its head off.) Done. Goodnight. I love you.
me: Love you too. G'night.

I felt like I needed a talk with Bob after all this.