My Girl...crying

She doesn't cry often. No, she's too butch for that. But when she does, it kills me. The worst part...it took me too long to figure out why and it shouldn't have. At least not in my eyes.

Her mother past away on March 1st a few years back. I should have remembered this. What kind of girlfriend am I? But I didn't, until I saw her tears. Or felt them, I should say.

She was getting ready to leave. She was heading over to her aunts house and then to visit her grandmother. Something told me that she needed a hug. So I put down my book, walked over to her, and wrapped my arms around her tight. She was a little hesitant, but she quickly gave in. And then she wouldn't let me go. I just knew she was crying.

She was confused about her crying. Said she didn't understand. Said she thought she was over it all and was afraid I would think she was crazy for crying about it after the few years that had passed.

We have been together for eight years. I knew her mother and loved her mother, very much. She was a kind and generous woman with a sense of humor that still cracks me up when I think about her. I am proud to say that I am the one girlfriend of her daughters that she actually liked. She would even call me her other daughter, which still warms my heart. I miss her too. I'm sure not as much as my girl, but I still miss her.

So when my girl said she thought I would think she was crazy for crying about her, I wanted to cry myself. I wanted to cry because my girl missed her mom and it made her cry. I wanted to cry because I couldn't believe she thought I would think that was crazy.
I admit, I'm a bit on the tough side. I see crying as weakness and have this sick belief that only the strong survive. I hate to cry and rarely have ever let anyone see me cry. (She has seen this but I've threatened death if she ever spoke of it.)

So, I admitted something to her. I told her that I cried on January 29th. Yes, I remember the date. It was the 15th anniversary of my aunts death. I explained that even after 15 years, I still cried over the loss of someone I loved so much. It still hurts and probably will for years to come.

I told her that it wasn't crazy that she missed her mom that much. Just like it wasn't weak for me to cry over my aunt. They were both people who meant so much to us that the memory of their loss will effect us as long as we live. Its inevitable.

She felt better. Still sad but better.
"Besides," I said. "You weren't crying. You were just washing your eyes."
And that brought a smile back to her beautifully soft lips.